Simply End
by Lecanis
Summary: Sequel to Simply Begin, Hiding, The Gossip Game. Therefore, main pairings in this universe are GenIru, KakaIru, GenRai. Raidou talks to Iruka about a problem he has with Genma, and chaos ensues. Erm, eventually there will be smut, because I'm a perv. Duh.
1. Prologue

Note: I planned to write this part as a one-shot, the discussion between Iruka and Raidou, but it wound up becoming the prologue for the sequel instead. Yes, this is planned to be the last long fic in the "Hiding" universe (though there will probably be lots of one-shot smut I write later at various points along the way), and yes, I'm evil.

Oh yeah, no I don't own Naruto.

Simply End: Prologue

Two shinobi sat across a kitchen table playing cards, each staring intently at the other and glancing only briefly at the cards as they played. They were both in their thirties, one a few years older than the other, and they had the look of men who had been friends for a long time. Both faces featured prominent scars, one a vivid slash that went across the nose and onto both cheeks, the other a mass of scar tissue that went across a cheek and disappeared into his shirt. The older of the two paused, peered intently at the cards on the table, and then snarled in frustration, while the younger shinobi laughed and said glibly, "I win."

"You've won five games in a row now," Raidou said, with what Iruka could swear was a pout.

"That's because you're distracted," Iruka replied. He turned in his chair and looked around the kitchen, which was the same one in which they had invented this game years ago. The table, however, was not the same, because the old table had been broken a couple of years ago during a party, when Sakura and Naruto had a spat in the kitchen and she slammed her fist down on it.

Raidou followed Iruka's gaze and then smiled. "How many times do you think we've played this game now, Ruka-kun, and still not named it?"

Iruka shrugged, reaching up to pull his ponytail tighter. "More times than I imagined we would when we came up with it. That was a strange day, especially looking back at it from here, with so many things having changed." He paused. "Hey, do you still have that picture?"

The older shinobi nodded, stood, and walked out of the room for a moment, to return quickly with the small piece of shiny paper. He held it out to his friend, who took it. In the picture a young man with fine light brown hair lay sleeping, a peaceful smile on lips that had a tiny depression from spending too much time pressed against a thin metal needle. "I thought you wanted this for some kind of weird blackmail or something at first," Iruka said with a grin, looking up just in time to catch a blush on his friend's face.

"I was hoping you would think that when I asked," Raidou admitted. "It's not exactly a normal thing for a friend to ask you for a picture of your lover sleeping."

The two men laughed easily, and then silence fell between them as the picture was carefully handed back over to its owner, who immediately went off to put it away again, wherever it was he stored his greatest treasures.

Raidou picked up the cards as if to deal them again, but Iruka shook his head. "You already owe me two meals, two bottles of nice sake, and a practice session with my students. Let's stop this slaughter before we have to start betting sexual favors."

That got him a small laugh, and they easily stood and wandered into the living room, where Raidou sat on the couch and Iruka sprawled in one of his favorite spots on the floor, where the light from the large window could just hit him. "You and your sunlight," his friend remarked with a grin, to which Iruka stuck out his tongue childishly. He did indeed enjoy the sunlight, but he also didn't like Genma's new leather couch, had preferred the old broken-in one that had stood in that spot for years.

Easy conversation followed, about various events coming up around town, the party Raidou's lover was planning for this weekend, the antics of Iruka's most recent batch of mini-nins. Then suddenly, Raidou said, "Genma won't replace anything around here unless it's broken."

It seemed like a random comment, and it took Iruka by surprise. He took a moment to think about it, trying to look "underneath the underneath" as his boyfriend would say. "Who broke the couch?" he asked finally.

"Anko," the other man replied. "I think you missed that party, because Kakashi had just gotten back from a mission and you were busy welcoming him home."

Iruka paused, then stood and without asking for an invitation walked down the hallway, glancing into various rooms. He noted that several things had been replaced since the last time he'd done a real close inspection of the home of his two close friends. The only rooms that seemed completely untouched were the large empty one that wouldn't have had anything to break anyways, and the one that had once been his own room, sitting just as he had left it when he moved out.

The other man didn't move from the couch, and Iruka stopped in the hallway to think before rejoining him, looking up at a picture on the wall of several of their old friends relaxing after a long afternoon of sparring and playing games. In the photo, a tired-looking young swordsman was cleaning his blade, a silver-haired figure with most of his face covered peered over the edge of a book, two mischief-makers with huge grins leaned on each other, and Raidou sat next to his bandana-wearing friend with the needle in his mouth, who reached up to catch Iruka himself as he dove into the picture after setting the timer.

The answer struck Iruka then, and he strode back into the living room and plopped to the floor just at Raidou's feet, leaning his head back to rest on the couch so he could look up at his old friend. "So, how long have you been asking people to break things for you?"

Raidou chuckled. "A couple of years now. The kitchen table was the first to go." The big man paused, and since Genma wasn't around to stop him, placed a hand over the scarred part of his face. "I don't know if you remember, but I walked in on you once fucking him on that table."

A hot blush crept up the teacher's face. "I remember," he said softly. They'd gotten in an argument that evening, in front of company an usual, and afterwards they'd been in the kitchen making up, figuring everyone would be too busy drinking and having their own fun to notice their disappearance. He'd had Genma's back pinned to the table, drilling into him with all the fervor of his still-fresh pain from the argument, when their friend had walked in on them, dropping his drink and bolting. Raidou had never spoken of it to Iruka, but Genma claimed he'd teased him for not being on top.

Raidou laughed heartily, catching the blush. "You should blush, boy," he said teasingly, even though the few years between their ages seemed nothing as adults. "What kind of freak decides to fuck their boyfriend into the kitchen table when they have company in the living room?" Then his face grew sober again. "No offense, but I kind of wanted him to get rid of some of the stuff from when you two were together. Not the pictures, or any of the personal stuff, but… just change some things around the house, to make it more my home."

Iruka suddenly felt very sad for his friend, this man who still seemed to be in some way living in his shadow. "Did you ask him?"

Raidou nodded gravely. "He can't make himself do it. He keeps saying he wants to, but when it comes down to it, he just can't." Another long paused followed, and then finally Raidou sighed and asked, "Ruka-kun, how mad would you be at me if Genma and I weren't together anymore?'

Iruka's world spun. Raidou leaving Genma? He'd worried in the beginning when they first got together that it wouldn't work out, because Genma tended to be a fuck-up and he might do something stupid, but Raidou leaving Genma, after being secretly in love with him for so many years? It seemed impossible, and he had no idea what to say. But he had to say something, because Raidou was looking down at him sadly, his hand again shyly covering the scars on his face. "I wouldn't be angry at you at all, Rai," Iruka said, sounding calmer than he felt. "I would be sad, because you waited all this time, and the two of you seemed so happy together for a while, but I wouldn't be angry at you."

Raidou just nodded, and then looked around the living room silently for a moment. Then, to Iruka's shock, he slid off the couch onto the floor and hugged the other man. This wasn't at all normal, Raidou normally not being the physically affectionate type, not since he'd gotten his scars at least. It had taken forever for Genma to get him to be affectionate with him, and even then they weren't as touchy-feely as Iruka and Genma were. Iruka gently reached an arm around Raidou and hugged back. Then they parted and sat back against the couch, shoulder to shoulder, not looking at each other. "Ruka, we have been happy together. Are happy together for the most part, which is what makes it hard. He's in love with me, it's not like he's lying about that or just playing along to make me happy or something. And he doesn't talk about you like he used to, with that longing in his voice. But he won't replace anything unless it's broken, and sometimes when I come home he's alone in the dark sitting in the room that's still got a bunch of your old stuff in it."

Iruka's voice was sad when he replied. "Technically that was my room, though I don't think I slept it in more than a dozen times in the years I lived here. I always slept in his bed but kept my things in my own space, and tried to confine Kotetsu and Izumo to my room when possible to keep him from killing them, or vice versa." It took him a moment to work up the courage to ask what he was thinking. "Hey, Raidou, why don't you hate me?"

The older man turned to look at him in surprise. "What? I never hated you, except possibly before we met a little, when Genma wouldn't shut up about you but I never saw you. I was annoyed that he was so caught up in some dumb kid, but after we met I couldn't help but see why. It's not like you conspired to keep Genma wrapped around your little finger or something, and you've been completely respectful of my relationship with him the entire time, including helping me get the courage to start it in the first place."

"You're too good for him, you know that?" Iruka finally said, shaking his head.

Raidou laughed, and then pulled Iruka's ponytail much as he would have when they were younger. "Yeah, I know. But this is all just talk… you know I couldn't really leave him, right?"

Then he stood, reaching out a hand to Iruka. "Come on, Ruka-kun, let's go play some more cards. I think I can focus now," he said, smiling a smile that seemed eerily to Iruka as if it had been borrowed from him.


	2. Darkness Beneath the Moonlight

Chapter One: Darkness Beneath the Moonlight

The moon was bright, the stars were shining, and the night was perfect for romance, like something straight out of his favorite books, thought Kakashi. Only there was one problem: his lover was lying on the ground beside him staring up at the stars with an aura of gloom wrapped around him. The moonlight was reflecting off Kakashi's pale skin and silver hair in a way that made him glow, and Iruka wasn't even looking, let alone ravishing him like he'd hoped when he'd brought him out.

Sighing, Kakashi rolled over in the grass so that he was lying in the crook of Iruka's arm, and simply waited to see if he would speak. He knew better than to push, because even after almost three years together, he was trying to keep to his promise not to expect things of Iruka he couldn't give. So instead he waited, his genius mind running wild with possibilities. Iruka had been with Raidou most of the day, so that was one clue, but while Kakashi had often seen Iruka come home upset after spending time with Genma, Raidou seemed to always have a calming affect on him. So it couldn't be Raidou himself, he figured, unless…

"I suppose you're waiting for me to tell you what's wrong?" came the voice, interrupting Kakashi's thoughts. Kakashi stretched up so that he could kiss Iruka's cheek rather than replying, and the other man graced him with a tiny smile. He spent a moment just looking at Kakashi before he answered, taking in the kindness and patience in that single eye. "I almost hesitate to tell you because I know you're friends with Genma more so than Raidou, but… then again maybe you can give me some perspective on this, because I'm quite biased in Raidou's favor when it comes to their relationship."

Kakashi's mind was already racing again. Genma was the person who was closest to Iruka, other than Naruto, not even excepting Kakashi himself… among the living anyway. So it was a surprise to hear Iruka say he was biased in his other friend's favor. He wanted to ask why, but knew that asking questions when Iruka was trying to talk wouldn't help things, so instead he said, "I'll do my best."

That smile showed again, and then was wiped away by a look of worry. "Raidou and I were playing cards today, and we were playing a game we made up, and we got to talking about when we made it up and things that had changed since then. Which is pretty much everything, considering that was almost half our lives ago. But we were sitting in Genma's kitchen, and it's exactly the same, except for the kitchen table that Raidou talked Sakura into breaking so that Genma would get rid of it," he started. He wanted to give Kakashi the full picture, not just jump in with "Raidou's thinking of leaving Genma," because he really did want to see what his perceptive lover's take on the whole situation would be.

"I remember Sakura breaking the table. That was the first one of Genma's parties that a lot of the younger set attended, and none of them was invited back for about six months or so," said Kakashi. "Of course I didn't know Raidou asked her to do it. It wasn't like it was an ugly table or anything, in fact it was one of the nicer antique pieces Genma had."

"Yeah, I always liked it," Iruka said absently. Then he laughed ruefully. "That's why, sort of, and because of a particular incident with Raidou seeing something he shouldn't have involving that table."

Kakashi sat up and grinned down at his lover. "Am I sensing a kink I haven't fully explored yet?"

The blush that followed made Kakashi grateful for the waxing moon, almost completely full. "No, Kakashi, I'm not an exhibitionist." Then Iruka paused. "Well, not to that extent anyway. I certainly didn't want Rai to walk in on me sexing up Gen, considering even then I had an idea he had feelings for him, I just hadn't realized the extent of them. Sadly, I have to admit it's not the only time Rai saw a little more than he should have. I suppose Genma and I were never particularly discreet." The blush flamed even brighter, and Kakashi bit his own tongue to keep from laughing. "Don't say a word, Kakashi, that wasn't my point! Anyway, it turns out the table isn't the only thing Raidou had someone break in order to get rid of it. I want to say it's a horrible way to do things, but Rai says Genma always claims he's going to change some things and then can't do it."

"He's living with your ghost," Kakashi said suddenly, filing away the amendment Iruka had made about his kink to get back to later at a more opportune time.

Iruka shuddered. "That's an odd way to put it, but yes, that's exactly the problem. If that were all Raidou said, I guess I would have felt a little bad about it but hoped it would get better, or tried to think of ways to make it better, but he also asked if I would be angry with him if he left Genma. Can you imagine, Kakashi, Raidou leaving Genma?"

Kakashi looked down at Iruka's worried face with concern of his own, for Iruka as well as for his friends. "I think he might, actually. I know it seems preposterous considering how long he basically fixated on the guy, but he was expecting something to change after they got together, and it didn't change enough for him." Kakashi paused, then changed his position so that he was propped up next to Iruka on his elbows.

"I came into my relationship with you with no expectations really. It started not with an all-consuming devotion but with the thought that the fact you had suddenly disappeared from my life was intolerable to me, and that led to thinking why I looked forward to seeing you and what that could grow into. I nearly walked away in the beginning because of Genma, but once you told me what was between the two of you and why, I accepted it. I made that choice. Raidou didn't get a choice, and his love for Genma was already a wound for him before you were even on the scene, unless I miss my guess," Kakashi said, then drew a deep breath. He didn't give these types of speeches often. "Since Raidou didn't make a choice, or accept the way things are, he still had expectations that things would change. They did, from what you've said and how I've seen them interact, but apparently we're not in a position to see the things that didn't change."

Iruka thought on that for a while. "So he might decide the old pain, of not having Genma, isn't as bad as the pain of being with him but still not having the relationship he wants?"

Kakashi nodded, looking down at Iruka sadly. "I don't really think there's anything you can do to help here, Ruka. It's true that you talking to Raidou helped them get together in the beginning, but anything you, or I for that matter, say to Genma is going to be filtered through how he feels about you."

Iruka nodded. "I know these things, really I do. I know I can't do anything about it. It's their relationship, and I've interfered in it enough already. I'm exactly the last person who needs to poke his nose in now. But Raidou talked to me, and at the end he said of course he wouldn't leave Genma, as if to reassure me. But he smiled… and it was horrible. I can't think what I'll do if I have to see Genma smile like that too."

One of the strongest shinobi in the village of Konoha felt his heart clench in fear then, because while he could copy thousands of jutsu and send countless enemies to their graves, he couldn't free the one he loved the most from old bonds that weighed on him, and couldn't save himself from the repercussions of those bonds. He couldn't move, felt as if every part of him was frozen, and then his lover abruptly shot upwards and kissed him, and he melted again.

When the teacher pulled away, he lightly tapped Kakashi on the nose and said, "Let's be done with this sadness, and get on to enjoying this beautiful evening, shall we?"

It took effort, after long years of looking "underneath the underneath" to take things at surface value and not see what isn't intended to be seen. It took shutting down a certain part of the brain, letting go of a certain awareness, but when he did so, and let himself not see the darkness lurking behind Iruka's eyes, not hear the catch in his voice, not see that he was thinking of anything but Kakashi, it was worth it.


	3. In a Flash

Chapter Two: In a Flash

There was someone in the apartment, Kakashi knew it as he approached. He knew it wasn't Iruka, but it took him a minute to recognize the chakra. When he did, he sighed, resolutely stuck his key in the lock and turned it, pulsing his chakra to disarm the traps in a way that had become routine for him by now. There were no alarms going off, but of course the man in his lover's apartment wouldn't have set any off, had probably gotten in the exact same way Kakashi did, in fact.

The living room was chaos. The low table had been pushed out of the way, and on the floor were several photo albums and a couple of leather-bound journals. In the center of the mess a man sat on a cushion, his light brown hair covered by a bandana, but conspicuously missing the long metal needle that he usually carried in his mouth. After looking around for a moment, Kakashi spotted the needle stuck in the coffee table.

The man sitting in the floor looked up in surprise, and quickly closed the album sitting on his lap. Looking closely, Kakashi realized it wasn't one he recognized… all the ones Iruka normally kept on his bookshelf had brown leather covers, like the journals that Iruka favored. This one was covered in a sort of black and burgundy print silk instead, and Kakashi noticed there were two more like it amongst the mess. "Oh no, Kakashi… I…" said the man, looking up at Kakashi as worried the silver-haired shinobi might snap and just kill him.

Kakashi waved a hand at him, moving to sit carefully in his favorite chair. "It's okay, Genma, if Iruka didn't want you here, you wouldn't have a key."

Genma didn't relax, still sitting up straight and holding the album to his chest. "I guess I forgot," he said lamely.

This made Kakashi pay attention. For Genma to be sitting in Iruka's living room looking at old pictures was a little weird, but not entirely unlikely if he was having problems with Raidou. But was Genma saying he had forgotten Kakashi lived here too, or that Iruka was with Kakashi at all? "Genma, we're friends, really. Please stop looking at me like I'm going to kill you," he said, putting his best happy expression into his posture and small portion of visible face.

The panic went out of Genma's eyes then, and the tension seemed to drain out of him. "I thought I'd just wait for Ruka to come home," he said softly. "I always look at pictures when I'm waiting for him. He has so many pictures…"

Kakashi swept his eyes around the room at the albums on the floor, and then looked back up to the still-packed bookcase. "Yes, he does. He doesn't take them that often anymore, except of his students or at special occasions. It's amazing how many he took before though. I even found a few of me among his collections, from before I even really knew who he was."

Genma nodded. "He has pictures of just about everyone, even quite a few civilians, and just about every kid from that time. Funny that we didn't realize he'd become a teacher, but he was just such a troublemaker himself that it seemed impossible. He took so many pictures, though, rolls and rolls of film on some days. I nearly went broke on his photography supplies for a while there."

Kakashi gestured to the album in Genma's hands, trying to be casual about it. "Where'd you get that one, and the others like it? It wasn't on the bookcase."

The brown-haired man's eyes widened. "Don't tell me you didn't know where these were?"

Kakashi shook his head, trying to resist the urge to make a grab at one of the albums in question. Genma was in uniform, which meant he likely had plenty of weapons on him, and he seemed confused enough to likely attack Kakashi in his own home if he made such an overt attempt. "No, I've never seen them," he said simply, instead.

The other man loosened his grip a bit on the album he was holding, then laid it on the floor in front of him, but didn't open it. "I don't think you should probably see," he said hesitantly. He reached up and pulled his bandana off his head, running his hand through his fine hair. "It's sort of Iruka's erotic collection. I can't believe you didn't know about them, actually."

Kakashi's head spun a little. The very first time he'd been in Iruka's apartment, Iruka had told him that his photo albums were embarrassing, and at the time Kakashi had wondered if they were sexy. But he'd found that they were merely embarrassing in terms of Iruka doing silly kid stuff, or pictures of people after one too many drinks, or pranks. Nothing erotic or questionable, though some of the journals had a few erotic entries. Even with those, Kakashi felt like he was coming in during the middle somewhere, as if there were whole books missing that held things he wasn't being allowed to see. He'd merely accepted it, because Iruka had a right to his privacy, and he figured it entirely possible that the journals that seemed "missing" had been destroyed or lost at some point. Now he was finding out not only that there were erotic pictures, but that Genma still knew where to find them, while Kakashi didn't.

"He had made it sound like some were taken, but no, I didn't know where to find them, and I haven't looked," Kakashi said quietly, feeling like he might choke. He still wanted to grab the album and look at it, truth be told, but he also wished he hadn't asked.

Genma smirked up at him as if reading his mind, and casually reached out and flipped the cover open. Kakashi gave in to curiosity, got up from his chair, carefully moved a few albums out of the way, and took a seat beside his friend. His eye fixed on the first page of the album, and he was instantly struck by the image of a young-looking Iruka posing provocatively and flirting with the camera, wearing nothing but a pair of burgundy boxers and… a collar? Kakashi raised an eyebrow at Genma.

A fresh senbon was procured from Genma's vest, and he stuck it in his mouth and twitched it a little. "Oh, that was my birthday. He took the pictures before I came home actually, and stuck them up around the house, knowing that we would miss each other most of the day doing our various jobs, and then that evening he was dressed the same way when I came to bed. The whole set is pretty nice," he said, smiling to himself.

Kakashi was spellbound. He flipped through the pages one after another, watching as the young man in the pictures posed, pranced, and pleasured himself. It was somehow both arousing and endearing, because his expression was extremely sweet, whatever he was doing. Every photo glowed with not just sensuality but also playfulness and love. Kakashi's heart clenched, because he'd barely known Iruka at this time, couldn't even have told you his name despite spending hours technically in the same places with friends, and if you'd asked he might have been able to tell you the kid could play a mean game of Capture the Flag. Maybe.

"No wonder Iruka never showed me these," Kakashi said, wonderingly. "If they were just sex… he wouldn't have minded, I think." Kakashi paused. "Wait, who took these if you weren't home?"

"Iruka, with a time lapse feature. No one but he or I ever took those kinds of pictures of him, except Kotetsu and Izumo once when they were all very drunk." The light eyes narrowed, and he muttered, "Weird little monkeys" under his breath.

Another eyebrow raise from Kakashi, but he said nothing, too busy swimming in all the things he did not know. He flipped wordlessly through the album. Some of the photos were downright kinky, but others were so achingly loving and gentle. The very last photo in the book was Genma sleeping, curled up naked with a soft smile on his face, somehow looking strangely innocent and sated at the same time. Kakashi looked from the face in the picture to the face of the shinobi in front of him, the man he'd fought alongside too many times to count, had drank with and played with over the years. It was hard to reconcile them, and he sighed and closed the album, feeling not like a voyeur but like a witness to some great tragedy. "I don't think I should be looking at these," he said wearily, running a hand through his messy hair.

Genma picked up the album, along with the other ones like it and stood, then sat down again. "I'd put them away, but maybe I should let Iruka do it. I shouldn't be nosing around your place, I'm sorry. I forgot," he said, again.

"Why are you here?" asked Kakashi, vaguely annoyed now at the repetition.

Genma slumped a bit, and for a moment Kakashi thought he wasn't going to answer. Then he met Kakashi's dark eye with his hazel one, and said, "I was waiting for Iruka, because I'm going to fall apart, and I need him to keep me together. Raidou and I…" He paused. "I don't know yet actually, but I think it might be over." When that didn't get any reaction from Kakashi, he clenched his teeth hard around his senbon and ground out, "Did you know?"

A new voice joined the conversation then, and both of the men sitting in the floor jumped. "Raidou hinted at it almost two weeks ago, but we didn't think interfering would have done any good," came the soft voice from the doorway. Iruka stood there in his uniform, looking down at them with an almost blank expression. "I nearly brought one of my students home for dinner, but now I'm glad I didn't, with what you two have out," he added, his eyes brushing over the silk-covered albums.

Genma yelped, and Kakashi looked up guiltily. "Sorry, Iruka, I shouldn't have looked, but he had them already when I got here," Kakashi said quickly, but Iruka waved it away. In fact, his wave seemed almost a dismissal, because he immediately walked right by Kakashi and sank to the ground, wrapping his arms around the man at his side. He reached out and snagged the senbon from Genma's mouth, burying it into the table carelessly. "Gen-chan, what happened?"

"I don't know exactly. One minute we were out walking together, and the next he was saying he had rented an apartment, and he wanted to take a break, and he was sorry, and just on and on with this stuff without really saying why or what was going on, and he didn't say he was leaving me exactly, just that he wanted a break, but he was holding his hand over his scars and when I made a grab for it he jumped away like I had burned him…" Genma rambled, shaking.

"He doesn't want to cut his ties completely, because he isn't sure yet what he wants, but he's hurting," Iruka said softly. "I didn't know he was already making arrangements to leave you, he just asked me if I would be angry with him if he did."

Genma snapped around to face Iruka. "Don't be angry with him!" he said in a panicky voice.

"Shh," said Iruka consolingly, as if he were talking to a child. "No, I told him even then I wouldn't be." Then he looked up at his lover, and said, "Kakashi, will you make us tea?"

Kakashi was grateful for his mask, happy that he hadn't taken it off when he came in, because it allowed him to look at Iruka impassively and nod. It strengthened him as he stood, walked stiffly from the room, and made tea while his lover sat in the middle of _their_ living room floor and held another man, speaking so softly that even Kakashi's keen ears couldn't pick out the words.


	4. Can and Can't

Chapter Three: Can and Can't

Iruka looked up when Kakashi came back into the room with tea, surprised to see only two cups on the tray. Kakashi set it down on the table, carefully avoiding the two senbon still sticking out of it, and then turned to go. "Thank you," Iruka said quietly, reaching out to touch Kakashi's leg as he walked by.

Kakashi merely nodded and kept walking. He found himself in the bedroom with the door shut, simply standing there. He looked around the room and realized that many of the decorations there had changed in the time he'd been there, that he had actually made an impact on the place in a way he'd never done at the apartment that he had finally officially given up a year ago. This was his place as well as Iruka's now, and yet he felt out of place with Genma here. Sighing, he threw himself on the bed and just lay there, waiting.

In the living room, Iruka was trying to get Genma to make some sense, but the other man was pretty much just rambling pointlessly. "Everything was fine, and then it wasn't, and then it was again. I mean, he knows I love him, there's no way he can not believe that at this point. I know he's unhappy over some things, but he didn't give me any indication he was going to do something like this. Except maybe he did, maybe he said something and I missed it, only he couldn't have, because he's Raidou, and he doesn't…" On and on he went, contradicting himself and backtracking.

"Shh, Genma, it's enough," said Iruka finally, squeezing his friend tighter. "You're just going in circles now, and it's not helping. Let's just leave it at the fact you didn't know, and he sprang it on you. But what's wrong is me, or rather the fact that he still feels he's in my shadow, so I don't know what to tell you."

Genma turned his head slightly so he could look at Iruka better. "He told you that?"

Iruka nodded, feeling a little guilty, but figured Raidou didn't expect him to keep what he'd said a secret now that he'd left Genma, at least temporarily. "We were talking about the fact that you don't get rid of things unless they're broken, and how he sometimes comes home to find you sitting in the room that used to be mine, among the things I left there." Iruka sighed. "I don't know what to say about it. I really didn't know what to say about it to him either, but he assured me he wasn't going to leave you then." He paused. "You know, if you're hoping he'll come back to you, being here with me probably isn't the best way to get that result."

Genma shuddered, shrinking back further into the circle of Iruka's arms. "So that's what he was upset about? He didn't tell me that, or even hint at it really. None of what he said made sense. I suppose being here now doesn't help my case with him any, does it?"

Iruka shook his head. "It doesn't, and you really need to think about that. Your first impulse when something was wrong was to come here, and then you pulled out those old albums… it's not healthy, Genma. It's not the way to deal with things. And it's not the way to impress upon Rai that you can be fair to him."

Genma pulled away from Iruka, just enough so they weren't exactly touching, and turned to face him directly. "So you're saying that you think he would come back to me if I could prove I was over you somehow? Or get through this on my own?" His eyes were clearer than they had been before, and he was starting to get the analytical look in them, as if he were strategizing.

Iruka shrugged. "I can't say for sure, but I think that's what he's hoping for. Think about it, Gen-chan, Raidou has been in love with you for years. He even said he wasn't necessarily done with the relationship, just wanted a break. So it's not the end of the world, really, but you are going to have to do something to change his mind about where things are going between you."

Genma sat looking at him for a long moment, then reached out with an unsteady hand for his teacup, and sipped from it. "It's not fair to him to pretend something that isn't true just to get him back. I won't do it. I came to you because I had to, because it was the only thing I could do at the moment to keep from breaking down. I was so upset I completely forgot about Kakashi, which I should really apologize to him for, but it just wasn't in my head at the moment. I came to you because I had to, because I was that messed up, and I won't pretend that's not the case."

Iruka's eyes were sad when he nodded at his friend. "I'm sorry it has to be that way, Gen-chan. I wanted the two of you to be happy together. I wanted him to be happy, most of all, because he deserves it, and he's never really had a chance to be." He pulled his legs up so that they were between himself and Genma, and rested his chin on them, as he would have done when he was a child. "I told him he was too good for you, and I meant it."

"He is too good for me, and I wish I could be good enough for him, but I can't," Genma replied sadly, pulling back a little further. "You're not going to be there for me this time, are you?"

The dark-haired man sighed heavily, and glanced around the room at the scattered mess on the floor, the physical evidence of the memories and emotions shared between the two of them. "That's entirely up to you, Genma. If you want me to be, then I will be, even though it's probably not the best thing for you."

There was no hesitation in Genma's voice when he said, "I need you," but Iruka hadn't really expected any. He nodded and stood. "I need to talk to Kakashi, okay?" Without waiting for an answer, he walked off into the other room, leaving Genma still slumped on the floor, as if all the strength had gone out of him.

Kakashi looked up as Iruka entered the room. "How's he doing?" he asked calmly. He was still wearing his mask, still using it to hold onto his composure.

His lover sighed, running his hand over his face. "I don't know. He's more rational now, and I think he understands the situation. I told him that what Rai was upset about was me, and that him being here wouldn't help, and he understood that but… it doesn't change anything for him. I don't know what to do. What do you think?"

"You want _my_ opinion?" Kakashi asked incredulously.

Iruka crossed the floor and dropped to sit on the bed where the other man lay, and met his eyes evenly. "Of course I do."

Kakashi laughed. "You pretty much forgot I existed, it seemed."

"Is that what it seemed like to you?" asked Iruka, his eyes wide. " I had no idea you would see it that way, Kashi. I was trying to deal with the situation while I felt stable enough to do so. I was setting aside the fact that I really was upset about those albums being out, and setting aside the fact that I really want to go find out how Raidou is doing, and trying to just deal with things while I could. Which of course started with finding out what happened. I trust you to be able to take care of yourself, Kakashi, and so I didn't think you needed my attention at that moment. I'm sorry if I was wrong."

Kakashi felt like a bit of a fool for having worried, but then he remembered the question he'd been asked. "What is it he wants from you?"

Iruka paused. "He came here not thinking about you, and I'm guessing he expected I'd just let him stay here. Even after we weren't together anymore, that was pretty normal for us. I don't know what he wants now, exactly, but I know he doesn't want to be left alone. I think he's scared he's going to have a total breakdown."

"Let him stay then. You two don't need me here, I'll go see a friend or something," said Kakashi.

"No!" said Iruka, a little too sharply. "You are not going to leave so that he can stay here."

Kakashi sighed, and sat up so that he was facing Iruka directly. "Ruka, I really don't want to be around for this stuff. You know I care about Genma, we've been friends since before I even knew who you were." His mind was clouded, full of images of the pictures he'd seen, and the tender image Iruka and Genma had made sitting together on the floor, how Iruka had offered Genma his attention so readily and completely. "I already told you how I feel about your relationship with Genma. We talked about it when our relationship was just starting, and we've talked about it since then, and the answer is always the same. Your friendship with him is a little more than that sometimes, and it's a little messed up, and not entirely healthy, but it's what makes you happy, and I'm not going to say you can't have that. But I can't watch this right now, because I'm entirely too emotionally vulnerable myself here."

"I can take him home, and stay with him there tonight, to be sure he's safe," Iruka offered, then added "if you don't mind my going."

"And if I did mind?" asked Kakashi dryly. Iruka froze, and his dark eyes looked panicked. "Well, that answers that. Remember how I said I didn't care within certain boundaries?"

Iruka nodded, the panic building. This was going to be it, the end of the best thing he'd ever had in his life, because Kakashi was going to change his mind and give him an ultimatum, and Iruka was going to make the only choice he was capable of making.

"Scratch that," Kakashi said. "I don't care, period. I really don't. Do whatever makes you happy, and makes him happy, and just don't let him show me any damn pictures. Just go on, and take him with you, and come back whenever you're ready. I'm staying here in _our_ home, waiting for you." He pulled his mask down, leaned forward, and pressed his lips to Iruka's gently. "Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere, so just go take care of your friend."

Iruka was trying to overcome his shock, because Kakashi had said just the opposite of what he had expected. Not only that, but he'd basically just given him permission… to… _Not that I'd want to, __and it would ultimately be a really bad idea for Gen-chan__,_ _but… _"Are you sure? This isn't some kind of test and I'm failing it?"

Kakashi laughed and kissed Iruka again. "No, Sensei, I don't give tests. That's your job. I tell you what I want from you and you choose to accept it or not. Remember when I said I came into this without any expectations? The only one I have of you right now is that you come home to me, okay?"

Iruka nodded dumbly, then kissed his lover soundly, wrapping his hands in his messy silver hair. Kakashi let it go on for a bit, and then pushed him gently away, gesturing towards the bedroom door. Iruka nodded, and headed back out into the living room.

"Come on, Gen-chan, we're going to go to your place. Kakashi doesn't need us hanging around here," he said quietly, looking down at his friend, who looked for all the world like he hadn't moved in the time Iruka was gone.

Genma looked up, and raised an eyebrow questioningly. "Is everything okay between you two? I don't want to mess things up for you."

Iruka smiled. "Everything is fine between me and Kakashi, no thanks to me. All I can say is that he's as much too good for me as Raidou is for you." He started picking up the albums, not wanting to leave a mess for Kakashi to clean up, shoving them onto the bookshelves. Finally he was down to the ones that didn't belong there, and he reached up and slipped them on top of the bookcase, in a place anyone could have found them, if they weren't expected them to be hidden more cleverly.

"Come on, Gen-chan, let's get you home," he said softly, helping the other man up carefully, letting him lean on him just as he always did.


	5. Ghosts and Remnants

Chapter Four: Ghosts and Remnants

Iruka unlocked and opened the door reflexively before realizing that the owner of the house was standing right next to him and could have done it. Genma didn't even seem to notice, just followed the other man in, and starting flinging things: his bandana in one direction, his hitae-ate in another, his sandals hitting a wall. Iruka rolled his eyes and carefully removed his own shoes and outer vestments, hanging his vest carefully on a hook near the door. His heart ached to see a scarf he'd bought Raidou several years ago hanging on a hook there still, left behind. He wondered how his friend was doing now, if he had someone to look out for him, if he was out drinking with friends or sitting alone somewhere.

Genma turned and looked at him strangely, following his gaze. He reached out to touch the fabric gently, and then twitched his senbon and turned to walk down the hallway. Iruka followed, saying nothing as Genma went into the living room and fiddled with the stereo a bit, finally starting it to play some rather dark-sounding classical music. He turned as if to flop on the couch, and then scowled.

"You don't like it either?" asked Iruka with a smile.

"Nah, Raidou picked it out without me. I kind of let him, since he went through all the trouble of having Anko break the old one. Hold on a sec, I'll get us something to sit on…" he trailed off, already heading to the other room. He emerged just a moment later with a few large cushions that usually belonged to his favorite meditation/work room.

As soon as he was back in the room, he was being grabbed by Iruka and turned to face him. "Are you telling me you knew about the breaking thing?"

Genma rolled his eyes. "I'm not stupid, Ruka. It was a little obvious, but I let him think I didn't know because it served the purpose of overcoming my reluctance to get rid of things. I suppose I should have talked to him about it, but I thought he'd rather not, considering how he gets about talking about things sometimes. I guess I really screwed that one up too." He sighed, pulling his senbon out of his mouth and flipping it around his fingers.

Iruka deftly plucked it from his hand and walked away with it, putting it away carefully, mindful of possible poisons. He was surprised that his friend didn't protest, and said so.

The heavy-lidded hazel eyes sparkled, and Genma said, "Raidou has me pretty well trained on that one these days…" Then he realized what he'd said, and the sparkle was gone.

Iruka didn't comment, figuring it was better just to let it go. Instead he picked up the cushions and plopped them in his favorite lounging spot, following them heavily to the floor. Genma followed, lying not quite close enough to touch, and closing his eyes.

"So, you playing suicide watch tonight or what?" he asked quietly, his voice barely audible over the music.

Iruka shrugged, realized Genma couldn't see him, and then said, "I'm mostly here because you wanted me to be. You said you needed me, and so I'm here, as I always have been when you needed me. But, no, I didn't want to leave you alone tonight, for fear of such things."

A sad smile crossed his friend's face. "You always have been, yes," he said softly. Then he was silent, drifting within the music, letting the melancholy of it seep into him, bottoming out his pain in hopes his spirit might rise again. He could feel those loving dark eyes on him, feel the concern and sadness of the man, and he let himself float in that too, in Iruka's presence. He might have drifted off for a while, he thought, because the next time he was truly aware Iruka was moving around the house instead of lying there looking at him.

Iruka came dashing into the room as soon as he moved, and Genma laughed, his eyes locking onto items of the floor beneath him, tags set up to be triggered by his motion, probably keyed to Iruka's chakra, giving him the same tingle Genma felt when someone channeled chakra into the tags at his various information-collecting posts. "I made some soup," Iruka said quietly. "I figured you hadn't eaten anything yet, and you wouldn't want much."

Genma nodded and sat up. Iruka brought him some soup, watched him eat it, and took away the dishes. He noticed that Iruka hadn't moved the tags, and knew his friend would come running if he moved around too much. He was half-tempted to make a dash for it just for fun, but figured that might wind up losing him some dishes, and he'd just replaced those not too long ago… so instead he waited. He noted that the music had changed, gone from dark classical to some sort of strangely soothing chant music. He couldn't quite recognize it, and he'd bet that Iruka had pulled it out of the stuff that he'd left here.

The caramel-skinned man came over and sat back down, looking intently at Genma. "Have a nice nap?" he asked.

Genma nodded. "What time is it?"

"Two-thirty in the morning," came the reply. "I didn't really want to move you, because you seemed so comfortable there, so I just kind of kept myself occupied. Otherwise I would have fallen asleep too."

Genma sighed. "You really going to sit up and watch me all night? I'm not going to off myself, and I'm not going to go running out to find Rai and beg his forgiveness or anything. I just want to rest, and hopefully in the morning I'll feel more up to thinking about things."

Iruka stared him down for a moment, dark eyes meeting light in a challenge that had happened a million times before. Finally, he nodded slightly, and said, "Come on, let's get you to bed, and I'll sleep too, as long as you don't get too far away from me, okay?"

"I won't go anywhere if you won't," Genma promised, and Iruka felt his heart clench, knowing that promise was the very reason that their lives were messed up right now. One of them needed to be the one to let things go first, so that the other could, and neither of them could do it. His heart felt heavy, but he said nothing, merely standing and heading off to find himself something to sleep in.

They wound up in Genma's bed, Iruka with an arm firmly around his friend in an oddly non-intimate touch, as if for no other reason than to be sure he didn't move. Genma wanted to reach out and wrap his arms around Iruka and pull him close, but didn't dare, simply lay there letting himself be trapped until he drifted off again.

Kakashi was a little surprised to hear sounds of music and revelry drifting down the streets when he entered the Uchiha compound. He followed the sounds, walking swiftly, not towards the only occupied house in this area but rather towards a central square, where he could see young people dancing, drinking, and generally making merry. He spotted his target near the center of the group, currently dancing with Sakura, his hands tight on the pink-haired kunoichi's waist and his eyes locked on hers. "Naruto," he said loudly enough to be heard over the music, and instantly the blonde head turned to reveal a whiskered face and startling blue eyes.

"Sakura-chan, excuse me," said Naruto, handing the young woman off to the black-haired boy who appeared behind her. She merely waved a hand in Kakashi's direction, and then took up the dance with her new partner.

Naruto walked silently through the mass of people with Kakashi, pausing only briefly once to murmur in the ear of the Hyuuga girl, whose response was to kiss his cheek and wave. Once the two men were out of earshot of the crowd, the blue eyes turned to look inquiringly at him.

Kakashi wasn't ready yet, though, so he said, "Can we go spar for a bit, and then I'll tell you?" The younger man merely nodded, carefully clamping down on his curiosity.

So they went, to the same training ground where Naruto had been sparring with Iruka for years during his off-time, and the battle began. A battle, because surely no one trained this hard… not with the Sharingan immediately out, and the blur of motion that were Kakashi's hands forming seals, and the sudden lack of space because it was all taken up by shadow clones. This was a battle, and Naruto didn't know why, but he knew he wouldn't find out until he'd fought it.

It was quite a while later when Naruto looked around the training ground with a silly smile on his face, thinking that the damage had actually come out to be less than when he fought with Iruka. The fight had started out jutsu-heavy, but quickly turned into an all-out taijutsu brawl, and it just didn't have the damage level of a good trap-heavy match with Iruka-sensei. "So, you ready to talk now, Kakashi?" he asked finally, looking over to where his ex-sensei stood propping himself up against a tree. The Copy-Nin had technically won, according to their usual rules, but he looked significantly worse off than Naruto, thanks to the younger man's amazing healing factors.

Kakashi nodded, and Naruto trotted over to settle on the ground with his back against another tree. Kakashi slid down his backrest and looked into the eyes of the man who had once been his student. "It's a little complicated," he said, and then felt stupid, because he of all people knew that the person he was speaking too was much smarter than he was given credit for being. "What I mean is that I don't really know how to explain it, not that I think you won't understand. It starts with Genma and Raidou essentially breaking up, though I'm not sure if it's going to be temporary or permanent, but really it starts before that," he sighed, pausing to collect his thoughts. It wasn't like Kakashi not to know what he wanted to say.

Naruto's eyes grew sad. "I was hoping that would work out for them," he said quietly. "Shiranui Genma is a better person than people give him credit for, and Raidou is devoted in a way I admire."

Kakashi almost laughed at that one, because he'd never met anyone capable of such devotion as Naruto himself. Instead he merely smiled. "Yes, I was hoping it would work out for them. To be completely honest, however, I was also hoping they would work out for my own sake."

The tan skin went a little pale as the younger man started to realize why Kakashi was having such a problem talking about things. "Where is Iruka-sensei now?" he asked perceptively.

"At Genma's. Trying to keep him from falling apart. Genma was at our apartment when I got there, with… photo albums and things." Kakashi shuddered then, not sure how to explain the weirdness of that.

Naruto sighed, and leaned back, running a hand through his hair. "I take it that it wasn't just the clean ones he was reminiscing over?" he prompted, gently.

Kakashi shook his head. "That was weird enough, but then he acted like he didn't remember that I was even with Iruka, that I would be there. That hurt my feelings, because Genma and I were friends before he was even with Iruka. I know they were together for years, though I'll admit I didn't particularly know or care to know at the time, but still, it's wrong to treat a friend that way. Iruka was so torn over what to do, and it was obvious he was doing his best to try to figure out a way to help Genma without upsetting me, and I finally just sent them off so I wouldn't have to deal with it."

Naruto raised his eyebrows. "That probably wasn't the best idea."

"You think he won't come back to me?" the older man asked, bluntly.

The openness and simplicity of Naruto's face could hide a lot of things, but at the moment his concern and kindness were quite clear. "I love Iruka-sensei more than anyone in the world, and I won't speak ill of him. He's been through a lot, and I know he has some weaknesses… it's not him not coming back to you that worries me."

The silver head shook again, and Kakashi said, "That's not what matters to me."

Naruto laughed. "Pervert. I wasn't talking about sex, though I'm a little surprised to hear you say you don't care about that." Then his face grew dark, and Kakashi could swear there was a tinge of red just creeping into his eyes. "I didn't know Iruka-sensei then of course, but he's talked to me about things, and since my friends started making the party scene some, I've spent more time with Genma and Raidou myself as well. From what Raidou says about how Genma and Iruka were when they were together, I'm more worried about Iruka right now than I am about you. I know what you'll do: you'll go talk to your ghosts and then work too hard, but Iruka-sensei… he's a little less predictable."

It took a moment for Kakashi to process that, because most people would figure Umino Iruka was one of the most predictable men in Konoha. But then he remembered how they really started getting involved, and his blood ran cold. Not only that incident, but also the number of times Iruka had surprised him since then, in one way or another. Naruto was right… Iruka was nowhere near as predictable as Kakashi was, even if their reputations would say otherwise.

"I don't know if I should approach him before he approaches me," Kakashi said quietly. "That's what I wanted to ask you, honestly, because you know him better than anyone."

Naruto nodded. "I would like to tell you that you could bring him back from the edge just as you did before, but I'd rather check in with him first to see what's going on if you don't mind. For the moment, I have a couple of errands I should run, but I'll be sure to also try to find out where Raidou is staying, just to be sure he's okay as well. If there's anything you taught me, Kakashi-sensei, it's to look out for my comrades." At that, Naruto did the very familiar hand seals, and suddenly several different Narutos were running off in various directions.

The real one smiled gently down at his old sensei, and said, "Thank you for coming to me, and let me know if there's anything I can do." Then the fox-grin made an appearance, and he added, 'If you work too hard, and get yourself killed, it'll be me visiting your ghost every day. And I won't have nice things to say to you." Then he was off, heading out to find Tsunade, because he knew that if there were a situation involving her two best informants, she'd need someone else to let her know about it.

Kakashi smiled in the direction the young man had taken, proud of the way he'd grown up, not just because he'd been a part of that process, but also because he could see so much of Iruka in Naruto. Sighing heavily, he lifted himself off the ground, going off to just the place Naruto had expected, to visit his ghosts.


	6. A Strange Day

Chapter Five: A Strange Day

Iruka woke disoriented, and it took him a moment to remember why he wasn't at home. He looked down at the face of the man still sleeping next to him, comparing it to the face in the picture he and Raidou had been looking at just a couple of weeks ago. This face looked weary and sad even in sleep, and Iruka wondered if that was a matter of the passage of time or the current sadness. He rather thought it was a combination of both.

Sighing, he slipped away, hoping not to jostle his friend too much. He had to decide if he was going to work, because Genma might need him here, but if he missed, he was going to have to deal with the repercussions later. Besides, thought Iruka, he wanted to see his kids, wanted to immerse himself in their simplicity and joy for a while. He figured he'd wait as long as possible to wake Genma, so instead he had coffee, took a shower, and dressed in borrowed sweatpants and a t-shirt.

It turned out he didn't have to worry about it after all. By the time he finished dressing, Genma was sitting at the kitchen table having coffee. His eyes were bloodshot, and he looked as if he might break his cup by squeezing it too hard. "Do you work at the mission room this evening?" he asked, looking up as Iruka came into the room.

Iruka nodded. "And I have class today, though I can get a replacement if you need…"

The other man shook his head. "You should go. I'll meet up with you at the mission room later." Iruka moved closer, and looked intently at his old friend. "Are you positive you won't do anything stupid while I'm gone?"

Genma laughed. "No, because I do stupid things every day. But I won't do anything that is more stupid than usual. I intend to work the mission room today, so that'll I'll be in plain sight the whole day anyway, just in case my screws are looser than they feel. And if I see Rai," his voice softened, "I'll just say I'm sorry."

The younger man sighed, and leaned over to kiss Genma's forehead. "Okay then. I've got to go get my uniform, so I should just have time now, but you take care of yourself." Genma nodded, and Iruka went.

In his own apartment, he found his clothes laid out for him on the bed carefully, with a note that said, "I love you" and no Kakashi in sight. He'd hoped to see his lover, speak with him, but this was obviously an intentional avoidance, albeit a sweet one. As he dressed, he realized that his hands didn't shake, that he felt just as steady as usual, despite having spent the night with a distraught Genma. That wasn't normal… by now he figured he should be at least twice as upset as Genma was. He shrugged, grateful for the calm though he wasn't sure where it had come from, and scribbled "x 2" on the note before taking off.

School was the best medicine for him, he'd always known that. As soon as he entered that classroom, his mind was focused on the bright faces before him… not only on the things they were learning, but on how to do his best for each and every one of them individually. He hadn't been quite this focused before Naruto, but realizing how he'd come late into that particular student's life when he could have been helping him all along had sobered him, had made him realize that every moment he wasted not seeing a suffering child was a moment that child could have been suffering less, and growing more.

So it wasn't until class was dismissed and he was packing up his papers to bring with him to his other job that he felt the pang of longing for his silver-haired lover, wished again that he could have seen him this morning, could have woken up with him. He was almost to the Hokage tower when he nearly bumped headlong into someone, looking up quickly to meet brilliant blue eyes.

"Oy, Iruka-sensei, don't be so clumsy!" the voice said, but even then arms were wrapping around him and lifting him in a spin. Iruka laughed at the young man's antics, never quite getting tired of the boisterousness with which he was greeted.

"Sorry, Naruto-kun, I was a little caught up in my own thoughts there." He paused. "Hey, have you seen…" he started.

Naruto cut him off. "Genma's in the mission room working."

Taken aback, Iruka wondered how many people knew what had happened already, but he set it aside, because Naruto hadn't answered the right question. "I was asking if you'd seen Kakashi," he corrected.

The younger man raised a blonde eyebrow. "He came to see me last night, dragged me out of Sasuke-kun's party, and proceeded to beat me bloody before he'd tell me what was going on," Naruto replied, keeping his voice carefully even. "I'm a little annoyed with you, to be quite honest."

Iruka hadn't expected that, after the greeting he'd gotten. Though he supposed the fact that Naruto would want to hug him even if he was annoyed with him said something about the affection between them. "I'm sorry." he said simply.

Naruto shrugged, smiling his fox-grin. "It's all right for the moment, but if you mess things up, I'll kick your ass. I've been fully prepared to kick Kakashi's ass from the day he showed interest in you, if I had to, but I didn't think I'd need to make the same threat for his sake. Besides, I'm worried about you, though…" He paused, looking carefully at the man who pretty much was his family. The teacher's eyes were bright but not too bright, and his features were relaxed, not bearing that forced smile, though he did seem a little tired. "I might have overdone that worry."

Iruka mimicked Naruto's shrug, and together they walked towards the mission room. "Hey, so since you know what's going on, have you seen Raidou?" Iruka asked suddenly, just before they went in.

Naruto nodded. "I made a point of finding out his whereabouts, just in case. I figured with you and Genma both wrapped up in this, someone had to keep an eye out for things. He's hiding out at Anko's, of all places, and when he saw me scoping the place out, he said he didn't want to be bothered for the moment. He seemed sad, but not nearly as shook up as Kakashi said Genma was. I guess he had time to think about what he was going to do before he did it."

Iruka smiled down into the whiskered face, pleased but no longer surprised by his ex-student's insight. "Thank you, Naruto. You have no idea how much it means to me that you checked up on him. I've been itching to do it, but I didn't get the chance yet, and I'm glad someone did."

Naruto merely nodded. He was considering warning Iruka that he'd told Tsunade about everything, but decided against it in the end. He knew he had done the right thing, considering last time Iruka had lost it he'd nearly killed someone, but honestly he didn't seem to be losing it. Yet, at least. Besides, if Iruka didn't know Tsunade knew, maybe she'd be able to get some insight on the situation. So instead he merely smiled up into those warm dark eyes, and favored the man with another hug, before going off about his own work.

Genma twitched his senbon in Iruka's direction without cutting off his conversation with Kotetsu. Iruka laughed lightly, because Genma having polite conversation with Kotetsu was still a novelty in his eyes, even though a truce had been declared there years ago. Iruka was surprised to see Tsunade in the room, because Shizune was on a mission, which usually meant Tsunade would be at the nearest bar by this time.

The Chuunin vacating his spot smiled up at him warmly. "Good luck, Iruka-san. I think you're going to need it today, Tsunade seems a bit on edge. I'm happy to get out of here myself." Yori gathered her things and made as if to leave, but Iruka caught her arm.

"What's the number?" he asked cryptically.

Yori laughed. "Five. And it wasn't very busy today, so I'm pretty proud of myself."

Iruka smiled. That meant she'd made five people do their reports over, which was five more than she would have when she first started this job. And probably five less than had needed to be done over, but Iruka had learned that she responded well to positive reinforcement. And knowing her name, that helped. "Very well done, Yori!"

She smiled broader, and took her leave. Afterwards, Iruka spent a moment looking around, unpacking his things slowly. Kotetsu looked a little as if he were trying to escape from Genma at this point, and it seemed odd that Genma would miss such an obvious cue. Sighing, Iruka walked over and grabbed his spiky-haired friend's shoulder. "Sorry, Tetsu, but could you just help me for a moment?" He nodded politely in Genma's direction and Genma twitched the senbon again, rolling his eyes at the obviousness of Iruka's actions.

He dragged Kotetsu off to the back room even though he knew Genma had seen through him, and once there, Kotetsu just leaned into the wall and sighed. "What the hell is wrong with him today? He was being a little too nice to me, and he wouldn't shut up!"

Iruka debated with himself for a moment, and then came clean. "Raidou left him, sort of."

Kotetsu's eyes went wide, and one hand reached up to fiddle with the bandage across his face. "Oh. That would explain it. Dare I ask…?" Iruka's response was simply a finger pointed as his own chest, and Kotetsu groaned. "Not that still? It's been forever ago now, hasn't it?" Then he paused, taking in Iruka's expression. "Oh. You never really got over him either, did you?"

Iruka shrugged, not really wanting to talk about it, especially with Kotetsu, as much as he cared about his friend. He was heading back into the mission room to actually start his work when he caught a silver flash out of the corner of his eye. His head whipped around, to find it was indeed Kakashi, standing by the desk talking to Tsunade. Iruka started to approach, but Kakashi shook his head, and a moment later he was gone. Tsunade click-clacked her way over to Iruka, with a grim look on her face.

"Iruka-kun, you aren't needed here today. Kakashi left a message for you, and I suggest you get going unless you want to be late for dinner. I expect to see you tomorrow." She paused, looking at him sternly. "Don't mess things up too badly, please." Then she was click-clacking away, and Iruka was left trying to get his things together, and running out to his apparent dinner-date.

Nothing was said as he was ushered into the private room at the restaurant, seated at the low table, and given tea. He looked at the man already seated there, still wearing his mask, giving away nothing. They were sitting in exact spot they had been in on their second date, in the private room at the restaurant Kakashi favored, and he was hit with a certain sort of nostalgia. That night had been the very first time he'd made love to Kakashi, the night Kakashi had told him that his heart was waiting for him whenever he chose to accept it. He hadn't lost sight of that, had he? Was Kakashi trying to remind him by bringing him here.

Once the food had been served and the waiter departed, Kakashi hooked his fingers under his mask and pulled it down. Behind the mask his face was serious, and perhaps a little weary. "I hope you don't mind me dragging you out of work, but I needed to see you," he said quietly.

Iruka shook his head. "I'm glad to see you. I missed you today. It's odd because I'm used to you being on missions, but somehow today…"

Kakashi nodded. "I know. It felt the same for me." He sighed, rubbing his hand through his hair. "So, I actually am going on a mission. Make things a bit easier on myself, I thought. Just a few days, and if anything…" he paused. "You look happy."

"I'm not!" Iruka protested, confused. "I don't want you to go on a mission, I want you here!"

Kakashi shook his head. "That's not what I meant. I meant that you didn't look on the verge of killing someone or falling apart." He laughed softly. "Perhaps Naruto and I were a little overboard with the worrying."

Iruka looked at him strangely. "Naruto said you dragged him out last night upset. But you told me everything was okay…"

Another laugh, and then a pale hand extended across the table, capturing his darker one. "I was worried about you, worried about us, but not angry with you. And I'm not leaving you. I'll see you as soon as I get back in town, which is probably going to be in just a few days, but…"

Iruka smiled and nodded. They'd long since made a pact between them never to give exact times expected for missions, for fear of freaking the other out if they were late. The one time during their relationship that Iruka had taken a rather dangerous mission, Kakashi had gone pretty crazy waiting for him. "This isn't your way of doing the same thing Raidou is doing?" he asked, knowing what the answer would be, but quite sure he had to ask anyway.

Kakashi laughed, and suddenly he was up and around the table, kissing Iruka tenderly. His mind was working, trying to find the right words, trying to remember… ah! "Ruka… I brought you here because I'm still stripping myself to the bone," he said finally.

Iruka laughed, but Kakashi captured his mouth again, and then pulled away again, just as quickly. They fell into a comfortable silence as they ate, and then walked out together. "Come on, I'll walk you back to the mission room…" said Kakashi. Iruka looked at him, surprised. "I know you don't have to go back to work, but Genma will probably be about ready to go, and he probably needs you. He looked pretty twitchy to me."

Iruka looked at his lover strangely, and then reached out and pulled him close, kissing him right there in the middle of the street. Heads turned, and he was pretty sure he was going to get some interesting questions from one of his students later, but for the moment he didn't care at all.


	7. Comfort, Served Cold or Warm

Chapter Six: Comfort, Served Cold or Warm

"Maybe Anko's wasn't the best place," Raidou mused aloud, his head in his hands. The place was covered in tags and traps that could only have been created by one person, and that reminded him of what was wrong with his relationship with Genma in the first place. He should have chosen someone who wasn't friends with Iruka, but honestly it was difficult to think of anyone who wasn't. Maybe Aoba, who had never quite gotten over his fear of the prankster, but Raidou didn't think he could take the nonstop chatter. Not that Anko was much quieter, but she could be distracted by shiny objects or dango.

What he really should have done is get an apartment like he'd told Genma he had, but he hadn't been ready yet. He'd looked, but every time he saw a place he would start thinking about things he could do with it, and that led to him imagining living out the rest of his life there alone, or worse, with someone other than Genma. He couldn't deal with those thoughts yet, so he'd found a friend to stay with, just for a few days while he thought about things. Anko hadn't minded, though he figured part of that was because he'd brought her treats.

Now he didn't know what to do with himself. He'd done a short mission this morning, and had his partner do the report, so he wouldn't have to face the mission room, where he'd likely run into at least one of the people he didn't want to see. Now he was trying to watch television, alone in the house because Anko was still out working.

He wondered if Iruka had asked Naruto to nose around, or if the kid had decided to do so on his own. Surely either way someone had told him what was going on. Whatever the cause, Raidou was glad that it was Naruto and not Iruka himself, because he couldn't honestly say he could face Iruka without bitterness right now, and he didn't want Iruka to think he hated him.

Sighing, Raidou rose and went out, wandering aimlessly through the streets of Konoha. It was evening, and there wouldn't be too many people around the outer edges of town, so he went that way. He was just deciding to turn around near the front gate when a voice stopped him. "Raidou?"

He almost kept walking, but there was a softness in the voice he hadn't heard before, and it intrigued him. So instead he turned to face the owner of the familiar voice, taking in the lithe form before him, how the man gleamed in the light of the half-moon like a blade. "Good evening, Kakashi."

"How are you?" Kakashi asked, in that same soft voice.

Raidou at first thought the tone held pity, but he realized after a moment that it was sympathy instead. Of course, he thought, if anyone knew how he felt right now, it would be Kakashi. "I'm holding up, doing what I have to do, that's all." He paused. "Have you seen…" he started, then laughed at himself. "Of course you have. He came right there I bet."

Kakashi nodded. "If you knew that, what did you hope to accomplish, or are you really done for good and just didn't say so?"

Raidou put his hand to his face, sighing. "I don't know what I'm going to do. I have to make some decisions, and I'm not sure yet." He paused. "Did you have to deal with this?"

Kakashi smiled then suddenly, or at least scrunched up his eye in the way that made it look like he was smiling. "Now more than ever, actually. You knocked us down like dominos, my friend." Raidou's eyes went wide, because to be honest he hadn't realized his actions would affect Iruka and Kakashi's relationship. Before he could say anything, though, Kakashi was waving a hand in his direction. "Don't think about that too much, just do what you have to do. My decision three years ago was to accept things as they were, and my decision now is to hold on until Iruka tells me to let go." Before Raidou could reply, Kakashi was saying, "I'm late for my mission, now, so I'll wish you good luck!"

And just like that, his friend was gone, and Raidou was left staring after him feeling slow. "How can he do that?" wondered Raidou aloud, thinking of what Kakashi had said about accepting things and holding on. Sighing, he turned and headed to his temporary abode, feeling even more confused than before.

When Iruka reappeared in the mission room, Genma let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. Iruka bowed to Tsunade and spoke softly with her, and then walked over to where Genma was pretending to be eavesdropping on a group of young Jounin, when really he was just standing around. Iruka seemed to realize this, because he didn't bother being subtle in his approach. "Hey, Gen-chan, let's go."

Genma nodded, dumbly, because he'd been there all day mostly just keeping himself out of trouble, not really getting any work done at all. He really hoped no one else was having a crisis right now, but if he knew Tsunade, she'd be making sure someone else had an eye out. He followed Iruka out of the mission room without comment, and stood mutely as the man unlocked his door and led him in as if it were Iruka who owned the place instead of Genma. "Have you eaten?" Iruka asked.

Genma nodded. "Kotetsu made me eat." He laughed at the surprise on Iruka's face. "It was pretty funny, he brought food and threw it at me, and said I'd better eat it or he'd pound me. Some way of taking care of a guy! Still, I was touched, all things considered."

Iruka laughed. "I've always told you those two were good people… well, monkeys," he amended with a smirk.

The two friends laughed, and made their way inside together, but both sets of eyes strayed to the scarf on the hook as they were taking off their shoes. "Are you going to put that away until he retrieves it, or leave it there to remind you?" Iruka asked softly.

Genma shook his head. "It'd hardly be fair of me to move it, considering why Raidou left. Come on, let's just get past it, okay?"

So they looked at each other and dashed through the hallway, like children afraid of the dark, collapsing on the cushions they'd left in the living room floor the previous evening. It was a silly thing, but somehow it felt right, and Iruka found himself laughing again. "There's something really wrong with our heads, I think," he said with a grin.

Genma gave Iruka a calculating look, and then said, "Oh, I found it! What's wrong with your head is that there's this strange growth on it." He pulled on Iruka's ponytail for emphasis, and then added, "I could cure that," and pulled the hair free of the holder.

Iruka laughed. "I think that's the most inventive excuse you've used for taking my hair down yet." Ever accommodating, he reached up and took off his own hitae-ate, then ran his fingers through his hair to let it fall around his face just right. "There, I'm cured at least. So what's wrong with you?"

The spark of humor in Genma's eyes seemed to war with another emotion for a moment, but it won out. "Oh, I just poisoned myself one too many times! Not such an easy cure, I'm afraid, but I'd like to think my madness is endearing."

Iruka laughed, and found himself kissing Genma ever-so-lightly on the cheek, just a feather of a touch. "Yes, Gen-chan, quite endearing."

Genma pulled away a bit and sat up, looking around as if trying to find something else to say. Finally, he pulled the senbon from his mouth and handed it over, and Iruka put it away, wondering about this new habit, and Raidou's part in it. Shrugging, he placed himself on their little cushion-nest again and ransacked his mind for a safe subject. Before he could decide on one, however, Genma was speaking.

"So, don't you need to get home to Kakashi?"

Iruka winced. "You have about as much tact as Tetsu, you know. Did you want me to leave?"

Genma moved quickly, and suddenly he was lying in Iruka's lap. Iruka, knowing this cue, took off Genma's bandana and set about massaging his temples. Why the man had so many problems with headaches he didn't know, but helping get rid of them had been his job for over half his life now. "I don't want you to leave," said Genma finally. "And I thought you knew me well enough not to expect tact. But, really, you can't stay, can you?"

"Shouldn't, probably. But Kakashi's on a mission, and he went on a mission specifically because he knew I would stay, and it would feel more normal to be on a mission missing me than at home missing me. Honestly I wonder if you wouldn't be better off if I left you alone, but I already said I would be here for you if you wanted me to be, and I meant it." Iruka sighed, looking down into the face almost as familiar to him as his own. "A long time ago you and I said things like 'always' and 'no matter what happens'. I was so naïve then, I believed those words, and maybe it makes me naïve now to still want to live up to them." The chakra flowed out through his hands in a practiced manner that no longer needed any real attention, until he stopped and simply threaded his fingers through his friend's hair.

Genma looked up with heavy-lidded eyes, trying to make sense of what was being said to him through the haze being spread by the comforting touch. His mind was screaming at him to move, because the pain was gone, and he knew he wasn't thinking clearly enough right now to let himself be so close to what he wanted and yet not ask for it. He forced himself to focus on the words, though, and finally he found a reply. "You always have lived up to that, Iruka, and I'd like to think I have too…"

Iruka nodded, smiling. "You proved to me when I was at my worst that you could live up to that promise. When I pushed you away and pushed you away, you kept coming back until I couldn't push you away anymore. And when, after all that, I chose to be with someone else, you outright encouraged me." Sighing, he gently prodded Genma off his lap, then propped himself up on one elbow, still looking down at him. "You know he isn't going to come back to you if I'm here," he said gently, reaching out with one hand to stroke Genma's face.

Genma nodded. "I'm not sure I'm ready for him to come back yet, even if he wants to. I know that sounds silly considering he's the one who left me, but it's meaningless because… I'm not ready to change yet."

"Do you think he'd understand that, if he came here now and saw us like this?" Iruka asked, running his hand down Genma's chest over his shirt.

Genma flinched as if either the touch or the words caused him pain, but didn't move. "No, he wouldn't. Or perhaps he would. I don't know, because I don't know what there is to understand," he said, his voice sounding very weary. "I honestly don't know myself what it is that is between us: the old love, yes, the promise that our friendship wouldn't change, yes, but those bonds hold us back in a way I never imagined they would."

Iruka nodded sadly. "They do, and we won't break them and free ourselves. The bonds that hold people together are at once so simple and so complex, and there's so little we can do to affect them once they have been created." He leaned down and kissed Genma suddenly, gently but insistently, not surprised when the man beneath him responded instinctively. It felt just as good as ever, that kiss, just as good as every kiss that had passed between almost a decade and a half ago, as good as the kisses that had passed between them in the days before Kakashi, when they were still treading that thin line between one relationship and another. He leaned closer, putting more of his weight on Genma, feeling his body meld into the other man's in the way that felt so natural, so comfortable, and then Genma broke the kiss and pushed him back abruptly.

"Iruka, don't," he said softly, pushing harder until Iruka propped himself up again. The dark brown eyes gazing into his looked sad, and he almost felt guilty for a moment about pushing the man away. "Iruka, you know I love you, you know I still think of you that way, but this…"

Iruka shook his head. "I kissed you because I wanted to, because it felt good, because it was the only way I knew to express what I was feeling. I wasn't trying to push anything, you know."

Genma laughed. "You never push, but you are by your very nature irresistible." He paused. "Let's go out for a bit."

"Apparently I'm not completely irresistible," Iruka replied, smiling gently. He stood and then reached up a hand to help Genma up, and Genma took it, smiling back.


	8. If?

Chapter Seven: If?

It was after midnight, and the streets of Konoha were fairly quiet in the residential areas. If they went down certain streets, Iruka knew, they would find bar hoppers and partiers, but in general this time of night wasn't loud, even on weekends. He let Genma lead the way, not sure if his friend had a destination in mind or merely wanted to get out of the house, and after a bit he figured it had to be the latter.

No words were spoken, but it was a comfortable silence, and Iruka still felt blessed by the calm that seemed to flood his being. He could see that Genma was on edge by the other man's posture, the way he held himself a little too straight, the way his teeth were clenched hard around the senbon he'd taken back right before coming out. But he couldn't feel the edge, just see it there, and it worked wonders for his own sanity.

They'd almost come full circle around the village when they spotted two men coming up the street towards them, walking slowly and talking quietly. Iruka recognized them at once, their distinctive forms making him smile. He elbowed Genma, and nodded in their direction, giving the other man a chance to say he wanted to avoid them. But Genma merely shrugged, so Iruka waved and called out, "Tetsu, Zumo!"

The two figures laughed, and then suddenly took off running, tackling Iruka to the ground. Genma dodged, not particularly wanting to wind up part of the pile. "Hey, let me up!" Iruka protested, and Izumo grinned down at him and smirked.

"Magic words?" the man asked, reaching up one hand to tug at the hair covering one of his eyes.

"I'll make you pay?" Iruka replied, pushing with his knee a bit to emphasize it's placement near Izumo's groin.

It wasn't Izumo but Kotetsu who moved then, pulling him back and reaching out a hand to pull Iruka to his feet. "You know I can't let you do that!" he said with a grin, and the grin turned to a laugh when Izumo blushed. The three men all collapsed laughing then, and Genma shook his head in wonder. He was watching the most respected teacher in Konoha and two of the Hokage's assistants flail around like drunken idiots in the street, and better yet, he was pretty sure none of them _were_ actually drunk.

Izumo turned to look at Genma almost as if he could hear his thoughts and stuck out his tongue. The gesture was ruined by the look of surprise that passed over his face when Iruka snagged the bandana from his head and danced away with it, and suddenly the two of them were away in a merry game of chase.

Genma found himself standing with Kotetsu, the other man suddenly shifting his attention from his friends' antics and turning his eyes on Genma. As always, Genma found his gaze vaguely creepy, even though he knew it was just because of the old argument between them about Iruka. "Weird little monkeys," he muttered, only to hear Kotetsu speaking in unison with him.

Both men laughed, and Kotetsu reached out and clapped a hand on Genma's back. "We're headed off to crash a party, right in time to hopefully have plenty of drunk people to make fun of, and possibly blackmail. Would you like to come with us?"

"Thank you, but no," he replied, his eyes locking on Iruka, who was making his way back in their direction, walking now.

Kotetsu raised en eyebrow, then shook his head sadly. He wasn't sure what was going on here, but he was pretty sure he didn't want any part of it. Giving Genma a mischievous smile, he dashed off down the street, spun Iruka around in a hug, and then proceeded to drag Izumo off in the opposite direction.

"Well, that was interesting," said Iruka with a laugh, sounding a little out of breath, as he made his way back to Genma.

"Definitely," said Genma, looking off in the direction the two had gone. He'd rather expected to be pummeled for a moment there, but Kotetsu had surprised him again. _Antics or no, everyone grows up, even weird little monkeys._

Suddenly he felt tired, old, and perhaps a little foolish. If he were so far gone even Kotetsu was worrying about him, surely there wasn't much further he could fall. His twitched his lips around his senbon, and turned to walk slowly home, not looking to see if his companion was following, but not surprised when the other man fell into step with him silently.

"So?" Iruka said softly, standing outside Genma's door. He didn't move to get his key, waiting politely as if he needed to be invited in. Genma laughed, hooked an arm around the other man, and opened the door himself, just barely remembering to disarm the traps as he did so.

He remembered something he had been meaning to ask Iruka, and used the question to distract himself as he walked down the hallway, past the dreaded reminder. "Hey, Ruka-kun, I never did understand if those two are a couple or not…"

Iruka laughed. "You or anyone else. Back when we were still kids they were already messing around together, but they hit on me in front of each other too back then, and they won't admit to anything one way or another. I've given up on figuring it out."

"Some people and their weird lives," remarked Genma, winking at his friend.

Iruka laughed, eyed the cushions on the living room floor, and shook his head. "I'm going to get a bath, and then I'm ready for bed."

Genma nodded, then paused, trying to think of how to phrase his question. He still hadn't figured it out when Iruka wandered out of the room, so instead he took a seat on the leather couch and waited. The couch wasn't really so bad, in fact it was pretty nice, and maybe he could get used to it, he thought. It wasn't too long before the other man wandered back into the room, dressed in a pair of borrowed sweatpants, just the slightest bit too long for him.

They passed silently, and Genma went to get his bath. Iruka sighed and looked around, then shook his head and went into Genma's bedroom, flopping onto the bed. He struggled with himself for a moment over whether he should stay there, whether he should sleep in one of the spare rooms, or just go home and see Genma in the morning. He argued with himself about it, but he didn't move, and he knew quite well that he was only trying to make himself feel better about a decision he'd already made.

He missed Kakashi still, at this moment, lying in someone else's bed. He thought of the kiss Kakashi had given him at dinner, the strange way Kakashi had been dealing with the situation, his infinite patience and generosity. He thought about Kakashi even now out on a mission, doing who-knew-what, risking his life every moment of every day. He didn't think about those things much, normally, because he couldn't do so and be sane, but right now the danger loomed large for him. He thought about never being with Kakashi again, about what that would be like, if he could bear it. He didn't think he wanted that, but… there was the question of this strange calm, and what it could mean about his relationship with Genma changing.

Genma didn't have to ask after all, considering he came out to find Iruka already dozing in his bed. He smiled a bit at the peaceful expression on the man's face, then carefully moved to join him, hoping not to jar him awake. But Iruka opened his eyes almost immediately, and Genma thought perhaps he hadn't been asleep at all. "So, Gen-chan, I have a lot of things on my mind," he said quietly, moving over to give Genma room.

"I thought you were supposed to be taking care of me here, not the other way around," quipped Genma, but he found himself squinting into the darkness to try to make out Iruka's features as he spoke, wondering what expression he would find there.

Iruka turned on his side to face Genma, reaching out and laying a hand gently on his arm. "I don't mean to burden you with my feelings when you are already hurting so," he said quietly. "It can wait, we'll talk about me some other time. Is there anything you need?"

Genma cursed himself for having made the joke, having shut down whatever Iruka meant to share with him. He reached out with his free hand to trap the hand lying on his arm. "Tell me what's on your mind, Ruka-kun, please."

Iruka sighed, not sure quite where to start. "I'm sad for you, and sad for Raidou, so don't think that I'm not. But feel how steady my hand is! I'm here with you, and you're upset, and I feel almost normal. I find myself wondering what it means, what it could mean… and I shouldn't be saying this, because I don't honestly believe Raidou left you for good, and I don't want to influence what happens between the two of you. And it's not that I don't love Kakashi, or that I'm not missing him even now, and wondering how his mission is going… but…" Iruka realized he was rambling, and it was only going to get worse, so he shut his mouth and waited for some kind of response.

Genma felt his jaw drop. He heard his own voice say, without any real input from his conscious mind, "I can't even think about that right now. I can't, I'll destroy myself if I get my hopes up to that extent. But if you're okay, and you're okay being here with me right now, I'm happy about that. If you're okay sleeping in my bed, and you'll let me hold you, I'll be happy about that too."

Iruka didn't reply, simply moved himself into Genma's arms, which opened to receive him. But his mind was still working at what Kakashi had said to him, about the permission he'd been given, and he hadn't said anything to Genma about it still. He didn't want to use Genma, didn't want to turn his heartbreak into some opportunity for Iruka to have what he himself wanted, didn't want to misuse the love between them in that way. But Genma was so close, and he wanted… something, anything, some kind of touch between them to express his feelings.

It was so dark in the room, and he couldn't see Genma's face well, wasn't quite sure what he was feeling, wasn't willing to risk hurting him somehow. "Gen-chan, can I…?" he asked, ghosting his lips across Genma's briefly, a question more than a kiss.

"You were just talking about Kakashi, did you forget him already?" Genma said sarcastically, into the warm lips so close to his own, almost touching still.

Those lips moved away, and the face with them, just enough to not be unbearably close. "I didn't forget about Kakashi, but Kakashi said…" He wasn't sure how to phrase it, how to make it come out just right. "All the boundaries he had set for his comfort with our relationship were gone, and all he expected from me was to come home to him. I didn't tell you, because I thought that anything that could happen between us would only make things worse for you, but Gen-chan, just a kiss, I want…"

Had it been anyone but Iruka speaking, Genma would have been suspicious of the words "just a kiss". But this was Iruka, and he'd never get the image of their first kiss together out of his head, nor the way that afterwards Iruka had proclaimed it was Genma's first "real" kiss because it had meaning beyond sex. Kisses were sacred to Iruka, he felt, were special in a way that they hadn't been special to him before he'd come to love the young man with the scarred face, mischievous eyes, and kind heart. "Just a kiss," Genma repeated, and then leaned in hesitantly, and felt his lips being captured fully this time.

_Just this_, thought Iruka, pressing his lips against those of his ex-lover, his closest friend, his first love. He could feel the indentions left by the senbon the man carried around all the time, and it was a familiar thing, a comfort. Genma's arms were still around him, and he could feel his own arms going around Genma as well, pulling him closer. He hesitated, but Genma's lips parted invitingly, so he deepened the kiss, swirling his tongue against the other man's and exploring as if to reacquaint himself with his mouth. He took his time, not wanting to rush this, not letting himself get caught up in comparing this kiss to past kisses this time. There was nothing but this kiss, this baring of his soul, this confession of love.

It was the hesitation that had broken Genma's heart, because he knew Iruka, and he knew what it meant. Iruka knew that what he was doing probably wasn't the best choice, probably wasn't what Genma needed right now, and he'd tried to back out of it… and Genma hadn't let him. The older shinobi's head was still spinning, thinking, _Iruka implied maybe we could be together… _and then he couldn't think of anything but the warm hands on his back, the strong arms around him, the exploring tongue, the soft lips, the smooth skin… and the heart behind it all, the feeling that pulsed between them in this moment.

He felt the moment when Iruka tried to pull away, and conquered it, taking control of the kiss, diving into Iruka's mouth. His kiss was more forceful, pushing in the exact way Iruka never did, asking, demanding, needing… and when he finally pulled back from it, he was panting. "Out of my bed," he said when he could breathe. "Unless you want something more than just a kiss, you're sleeping in the other room, because I can't hold you like this after that…"


	9. Shattering

Notes: Yeah, some of you want to kill me. I know. :P

Smut here. Yaoi smut. Don't read it if it bugs you.

Chapter Eight: Shattering

Iruka pulled himself away, rose from the bed, and padded across the room. Instead of leaving, however, he flipped on the light and stood staring at the man on the bed. As always, Genma was a vision… something about that mouth so prone to smirking, that confident demeanor, the taut muscles under skin that was light but not starkly white like… Iruka shook his head. "I said 'just a kiss' for a reason," he said quietly, meeting the hazel eyes levelly.

The man on the bed looked almost sheepish, but his eyes still held lust and something more, something that was love and longing and wistfulness all in one. "It wouldn't be good for me, you think." Then he laughed, realizing his own double entendre. "Not in the long-term anyway, it wouldn't be good for me, and since Raidou said he was taking a break and not done, it might be construed as cheating."

Iruka shrugged at that. "I wasn't there when Raidou said it, and you sounded confused about exactly what he said, so I have to admit I don't know on that one. You ran to me in the first place, and said that if Raidou didn't come back to you because of it, there wasn't anything you could do about it. But, more to the point, I know you're upset and I don't want to use you…"

Genma laughed then, lightly, looking up at his friend from the bed. "You don't want to use me, eh? So that means you want me?" He lowered his heavy-lidded eyes and ran them up Iruka's body, smirking.

The other man found himself shivering from the look. This was the old Genma, the one he'd thought might eat him alive, passionate and hungry. It was almost a relief to see Genma like this, because it made Iruka think he might be okay after all. Almost a relief, because this side of Genma had always been a challenge for Iruka, and his mind was starting to cloud with the need to meet than challenge. Instead he clamped the fingers of one hand down on the web of skin between the thumb and forefinger of the other, and said, "I never stopped wanting you, just as I never stopped loving you. I simply grew to accept the fact I couldn't have you, and I'll admit, I've been happy in my current relationship. But this thought, now, that you and I still could have something between us, is clouding all my senses, making it easy to think of having at least this moment, outside of everything else."

Genma's eyes focused on Iruka's hands and stayed there for a long moment. The familiar gesture of trying to calm himself down using a pressure point reminded Genma of how Iruka had matured over the years, how he'd grown and changed. Iruka was doing well now, was happy, was in control of himself. And yet he still wanted Genma, and Genma couldn't fathom why. He'd never been worthy of Iruka in the first place, so why would Iruka still want him now? None of this was spoken, though, and what came out instead was, "So, are you staying or going?" He could feel the smirk on his face, hear the challenge in his tone, and he winced inwardly, because he hadn't meant it to come out that way.

_Predictable, reliable, kind Iruka-sensei of the Hidden Village of Leaf shouldn't do these things_, a voice somewhere in the teacher's head said, but that man wasn't anywhere to be seen at the moment. Instead, in his place was a young prankster with a wicked grin, who had half the village rigged with his own personal traps, and an elaborate spy mission beneath his belt before he even became a Chuunin. It was this Iruka who grinned at his ex-lover, slinked his way towards the bed, and pounced.

Genma found himself rethinking that whole idea of him pushing in a way Iruka wouldn't, because right now Iruka was demanding. He was crushing Genma into the mattress, their lips meshed together, tongues entwined, every bit of exposed flesh burning, and those eyes, those deep dark eyes were burning holes in Genma with their passion. He reached up a hand and ran it through Iruka's hair in a tender gesture at odds with the hungry kiss Iruka was giving him, found his other hand behind Iruka's back exploring the scar tissue there, reminding himself that this wasn't the old days, this wasn't a flashback or a memory, this was happening now.

Neither gesture nor meaning was lost on Iruka, and he pulled away just a touch, giving Genma room to breathe for a second. "Not like this," he said softly, more to himself than the man beneath him, and carefully counted to ten in his head. Then he ran his tongue softly along one of the tiny scars on Genma's lips, evidence of fumbled senbon, and kissed him gently. His hands loosened their grip on the other man, began to softly stroke along his sides instead of holding him in place, and he felt tenderness welling up in him.

The eyes of the man beneath him widened, a little surprised by the change in mood, but then there was laughter against his lips. "Always the unpredictable one, Ruka, but you're right, this was what I wanted." Genma kissed his way from Iruka's lips across his cheek, and then up to his scar, feathering kisses across it in a way he wanted to every time he looked at the man. So cute, still, at an age when a man had no right to be _cute_ anymore.

Smiling, Iruka rolled, pulling Genma with him so that he wound up on top. "Well, since you seem to know what you want," he said quietly, his eyes sparkling.

Genma grinned, "A likely excuse," he teased, then nipped gently at Iruka's neck. He couldn't resist nipping his way around it, pulling Iruka's head off the bed a little to get the perfect angle on that one spot, and being rewarded with a ragged breath and a pant. "Do that again," came the voice, but Genma was already moving on, and he both felt and heard the groan Iruka gave when he realized Genma wasn't going to comply.

The trail of kisses and nips instead led down Iruka's torso, slid along a wire scar, and then another one, and then Genma laughed and said, "Damn, Iruka, one would think you were really kinky if they didn't know how you got these." Then he remembered one on Iruka's wrist that was actually kinky, and kissed his way down Iruka's arm to slide his tongue across it. "Then again," he started, but the hand attached to that wrist moved, and tangled itself in his hair, and he lost both the wrist and the train of thought.

The pull at his hair brought him up to face Iruka again, and then he was being kissed, sweetly but insistently, with that particular mix of innocence and experience he had yet to encounter in anyone but this beautiful caramel-skinned man. There was nothing he could do but accept, let that skilled tongue run itself along his mouth, slide against his own, claim him… _no, that's not right… _but whatever it was, Genma went with it, letting his versatile (_ex?_)lover lead him.

He didn't have control at all, he realized, for all that he was on top of the younger man. And when Iruka finally released his mouth and hair and grinned up at him, he knew he still wasn't in control, even as he teased a nipple with his tongue, worked Iruka's borrowed sweatpants off of him deftly, and ran a hand up one powerful thigh. Iruka's musculature impressed him, as always, and he found himself with one hand splayed across that thigh, and his lips teasing their way down Iruka's abs. There was something special about his strength, something honest and protective about it in a way that thrilled Genma, who himself was a liar and an assassin.

"Gen-chan thinks too much," said Iruka gently, and Genma laughed, looking up to meet his _(lover, definitely)_lover's eyes. Then he was being rolled over again, and Iruka was on top of him, reaching out to divest him of his own pajama pants. "I want to make you stop thinking so much," came the mischievous voice, and Genma shuddered with the nostalgia of it. Then the other man was nibbling on his earlobe and running a hand down his chest, and he knew that threat was going to be pretty easy to make good on.

Iruka pulled back to meet his best friend's eyes for a moment, before reaching down to lazily circle a nipple with his right hand, bringing his left up to graze across Genma's cheek, his lips, his chin, then run along his neck in a feather-light touch. His hands met on Genma's chest, and simply lay there for a moment, feeling the heartbeat pounding beneath skin and muscle and bone. Then he shifted his weight so that his full body was pressed against the man beneath him, skin sliding against skin, his hands reaching up to clasp around Genma's neck. It was an oddly non-sexual gesture, for all the contact, simply pressing into him as if he couldn't get close enough. There were tears in his eyes, he knew, and he couldn't figure out why.

Another sudden shift in mood, and Genma didn't know what to do with this one. Sighing, he gently reached up and ran his fingers through Iruka's hair, determined simply to wait and see what he would do. He didn't have long to wait, and then Iruka was loosening his grip, pulling away just enough to slide down Genma's body, trailing kisses as he went, and then taking his only half-hard member into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it expertly. "Still thinking," said Genma smoothly, and Iruka pulled back and nipped just the slightest bit in retaliation.

Genma merely smiled at him, and Iruka laughed lightly, kissing the spot he'd just nipped. Then he ran his tongue around the head of Genma's cock teasingly, excruciatingly slow, his eyes gauging Genma's reaction in that methodical way of his. His hands locked on the other man's hips to keep him from thrusting, and continued to lick, long stripes down the shaft, then a swirl around the head, a gentle swipe across the slit, then back down to start over again, until Genma felt like the whole area was on fire, and he certainly wasn't thinking.

"Ruka, oh that's good, don't stop, please, you're so perfect," Genma was babbling, clutching the sheets and feeling the bruises forming on his hips from Iruka's grip, from the involuntary thrusts he was attempting. But it was perfect, exactly what he wanted, the kind of teasing and over-stimulation he craved… and then it was gone, Iruka pulling back and smiling that prankster grin at him.

"Too much, Gen-chan, I want this to be nice…" he said softly, and Genma's heart soared even though his body was crying out for more of the beautiful pain. Smiling, he reached up and pulled Iruka up his body to share a kiss, exploring Iruka's mouth gently and tangling his hands in that beautiful dark hair that he'd always loved, that he'd always cherished seeing down framing Iruka's face.

"Niiiiiiice," repeated Genma slowly, drawing the word out. "Let me be nice to you then." Iruka nodded, letting him reverse their positions again, and then the older man was kissing his neck again, in that way that drove him absolutely insane, and his hands were roaming down Iruka's body, caressing every inch of that dark skin that he could reach.

There were so many memories there just below Genma's consciousness, trying to reach the surface, but he pushed them away, determined to be in this moment, outside of everything, as Iruka had said. He wrapped a hand around Iruka's erection and stroked slowly, letting his other hand drift up and down the other man's body, not particularly surprised when it wound up focusing on one of the wire scars across Iruka's chest. Something about those scars had always intrigued him, perhaps because they weren't battle wounds, but wounds gained in the pursuit of laughter and happiness.

"You're thinking again, Gen-chan," Iruka said lightly, and Genma wondered how he'd known. What was it about Iruka that let him be inside Genma's mind like that? Shaking his head, he shook it off and went back to touching Iruka, and he felt as if his body remembered just how the man liked to be touched. Starting out slowly, gently, and then becoming more passionate, tender caresses giving way to rough strokes, one hand on his cock and the other roaming across his body, his lips alternately brushing against his cock, his balls, his thighs, his ass, all over his lower body, soft fluttery kisses, which turned to licks and nips as he went. "I don't want to come yet," Iruka whispered, finally, "Please, Gen, I want to come with you inside me."

Genma smiled up at him and pinched the tip of his cock roughly, causing the building wave to subside a bit. Then he swirled a finger in the precum at the tip of Iruka's cock and slipped that finger in his mouth, tasting him, rolling the flavor around in his mouth… and Iruka growled. "I said I didn't want to come yet!", which made Genma laugh, but also caused him to pull his finger out of his mouth and swirl it around Iruka's asshole, proving that he'd had a point to that little show. He pushed it in slowly, watching Iruka's face, and the interested-but-not-worried look there brought back memories of their first time together, which caused Genma to smile wider, and remove his finger, and replace it with his tongue. This experienced Iruka didn't buck his hips and nearly toss Genma off the bed, though, he merely moaned with pleasure and let Genma play, exulting in the feel of that talented tongue exploring him so intimately.

After what seemed like an eternity to Iruka in which he was trying to control himself, trying to hold out, enjoying the sensation without letting himself truly be lost in it, Genma pulled back, smirked, and shoved two fingers inside him, moving them with deadly accuracy, nailing his prostate. Iruka screamed, and came, and Genma gave a satisfied grin.

When Iruka spoke, his voice sounded hoarse from the scream, and he said, "Sometimes I'm so glad you don't listen to me. You know what I want better than I do."

Genma smirked at him, and then pushed his fingers in again, using Iruka's release for lubricant, stroking inside of him mercilessly until he felt like he was going to burst all over again, and it took Iruka begging before he finally withdrew and replaced his fingers with his cock. He pulled Iruka's legs up and leaned over him then so that he could watch his face, could see once again that beautiful kind face in the throes of passion, the sight that had entranced him more times than he could count.

The teasing was gone then, the taunting and goofing around all left behind, because this wasn't just sex after all, and the warm dark eyes locked on his hazel ones gave everything away. Genma found himself faltering for a moment, struck by the emotion in those eyes, until Iruka gently rolled his hips against him as if to remind him what he was doing. Smiling sheepishly, he started a series of long slow thrusts, and he could hear himself talking, saying something, but he wasn't sure what at first. It took Iruka saying, "Shh, I know, I love you too," for him to understand, and then he calmed, letting the words wrap around him and comfort him, letting the sensation of the still-thrumming nerves of his cock being further stimulated by the friction of his thrusts overwhelm everything else.

He didn't notice when one hand stopped providing balance and starting stroking Iruka gently, only realized it when Iruka's hand closed over his and increased his rhythm. Genma picked up his thrusts to match the rhythm of their joined hands, and finally Iruka came again, those loving eyes closing for just a moment as his orgasm rushed through him, then immediately opening and training themselves on Genma again.

Genma tried to keep the rhythm, but those eyes were too much for him, and he found himself simply staring into them, still inside Iruka but not moving. Iruka smiled and leaned back, pulling away so that Genma slipped out of him, then gently pressed Genma down to the bed and climbed up on him, lowering himself carefully onto Genma's cock. He smiled down at him sweetly as he rode, his strong legs easily lifting and lowering him, his hands resting on Genma's chest, letting his heartbeat flow through him again. It seemed like an eternity to Genma that Iruka rode him slowly, smiling down at him like that, before lifting himself almost all the way off and then slamming down brutally, and then Genma was coming, screaming Iruka's name and flooding his insides. He felt as if the whole world broke apart and came together again, rearranging itself in some new pattern, and then he didn't feel anything for a long moment.

When he was aware again, he found Iruka lying beside him, his strong arms wrapped around Genma. "Gen-chan, that was amazing," he said softly.

Genma nodded, happy and sated, but there was something niggling at his consciousness, like he'd forgotten something. "Ruka, are we going to…?" he asked, not sure how to phrase the question.

Iruka shook his head. "I don't know yet, I can't say what will or won't be in the future."

Genma nodded at him, smiling, and then gently pressed a kiss to his lips. "This moment then, outside everything, thank you for it." And he drifted off to sleep in the arms of the man he'd just made love to, who might or might not be his lover in the future, but had been his for tonight at least.


	10. Shuffling

Chapter Nine: Shuffling

Iruka woke up alone, and not particularly comfortable. He was really wishing he had taken a shower, but he'd been a little too caught up in the emotional intensity of the moment to think of it before going to sleep. Sighing, he pulled himself out of the bed and went off for a shower, figuring the noise he made along the way would be enough to alert Genma of his wakefulness and bring him running if he needed some kind of attention. He was still thinking of things that way, that Genma was upset and he needed to take care of him, he realized. Was that still what was going on here, or had last night taken them past that point and turned it into something else? He wasn't sure, and he didn't really think that was a question he felt comfortable asking. He was determined not to think about anything while he was showering, wanted to just cleanse his mind along with his body, and afterwards he did feel quite refreshed.

It was just past dawn, for all that they had gotten to bed very late. He figured he had probably been waken up by Genma rambling around the house or something, though he couldn't really remember hearing a noise. Getting out of the shower, he dressed in more borrowed clothing, and finally took a look down the hallway to see where his friend had gone. He started to call out, but the words died on his lips when he caught sight of him.

The man was sitting just by the front door, with a scarf wrapped around his neck despite the warmth of the house. Raidou's scarf, the one Iruka had bought Raidou himself, the one Raidou had left hanging on a hook, the one Genma had carefully avoided looking at the past few times they entered the house. He had his nose buried in it, and he didn't look up, even though Iruka knew he'd made plenty of noise to alert the man of his presence.

Iruka turned abruptly, heading to the empty room at the back of the house where Genma tended to meditate or work, where Iruka himself had spent a lot of time working on their shared mission with him when they were younger. He took a seat on the cushions, crossed his legs, and thought.

He had meant it when he said he was happy about the idea that he and Genma might be able to be together now. He had meant it last night when he'd said he loved Genma (and his heart broke at that thought, the way Genma had been saying "I love you" over and over to him as if it were being torn out of him). He had meant everything he'd said, and everything he had done, and yet he had also meant it when he told Kakashi he was going to come back to him. He'd never intended for taking care of a broken-hearted Genma to turn into becoming romantically or sexually involved with him again, it had just happened because he was so confused by his lack of over-empathetic insanity from Genma's distress.

And now, the very man he was thinking about was sitting in the hallway with Raidou's scarf around his neck, and suddenly Iruka started to feel like he might have an inkling of how Raidou felt. He wanted to talk to Raidou now, wished he could do something for him, even though he knew he was the wrong person to try. All the same, he had to do something, because Genma was going to break either way, it seemed, and Iruka… was screwed any way he looked at it, really, so it would be best to do what he could for his friends and then worry about himself later. "You've been far too selfish already," he said aloud, and he tried to make himself regret last night's actions, wanted to feel shame and guilt, but couldn't, because every moment of that memory was already soaked in the love he'd had for Genma for so long.

He sighed again, heaved himself to his feet and walked through the house to stand by the side of the broken man sitting in the hallway with sleep-mussed hair, naked but for a scarf. It should have been a comedic image, ridiculous, but instead it was merely tragic. "Ruka-kun, it's not you, I mean, I want…"

Iruka shook his head. "It's too late for that, isn't it?"

Genma did look up at him then, his eyes wide and his mouth twisted as if he was in pain. "Is it? Does it have to be? Am I going to lose you too?"

Iruka sighed, reaching out and running a hand through the other man's hair. "Not 'lose me too'. But I think you know as well as I do that it isn't me you really want now." He smiled down at him gently, and then crouched down so he was at eye level. Slowly, giving the deadly shinobi in front of him plenty of time to react if he chose, he kissed his lips gently. "You going to be okay here if I go out for a few minutes?"

Genma looked back at him surprised, and then nodded glumly. Iruka stepped into his shoes, ignoring the fact that he was wearing nothing but a borrowed t-shirt and sweatpants and had neither put his hair up nor taken any weapons, and let himself out, locking the door and setting the traps on his way out.

He knew exactly where he was going, and he felt stupid for doing it, but he really couldn't think of any other way to resolve things. So he went straight to Anko's, figuring he probably wouldn't even be allowed in, but knowing he had to try. He really hoped the fact he wasn't wearing any weapons and couldn't defend himself would deter Raidou from beating the shit out of him. Too much, anyway.

It turned out that getting in wasn't an issue, because Raidou was sitting on the porch, idly dealing cards out to himself. He looked up, saw Iruka coming, and shook his head glumly. "I don't know what you think you're doing, but I really don't want to deal with you right now." His eyes roamed up and down Iruka's body, and then he added, "Especially not wearing his clothes."

Iruka could feel the blush, but kept his voice carefully level. His eyes strayed to the cards, and an idea came to him. "Just one game, and I'll leave you alone for as long as I live if you like, I swear it."

The big man gave him a suspicious look, but gestured to the spot next to him and shuffled the cards. He didn't ask what game they were going to play, because if it was going to be the last card game they ever played, it could only be one game. He said nothing as he dealt the cards, and resisted the urge to throw the game immediately, still believing his friend deserved at least this.

"Just a little while ago we were talking about the day we made up this game, but we didn't talk about what else was going on at that time," Iruka said quietly. "Did either of us ever tell you that Genma and I nearly broke up that day, because he was so upset with my going off and plotting against him instead of just saying exactly what I needed?"

Raidou shook his head, then muttered, "I told him what I wanted, and he said he'd do it, and he didn't."

Iruka nodded. "Yes, but did you tell him you were upset about it enough to leave him, or did you try to downplay it to be 'nice'?"

One memory after another flooded Raidou's mind, and he heard his own voice saying, "It's okay, it's not that big a deal" and "I'm not mad at you or anything" and "Of course if you aren't ready yet, we'll just do it later," and his eyes bored into Iruka's. "How did you know?" he asked, and his voice sounded odd to him, as if perhaps there were tears on their way. He turned the scarred cheek and rubbed it into his shoulder, his hands still busy with the cards.

There was the smile, the my-heart-is-breaking-but-I-smile-anyway one. "I know you, Rai, and I know how you've always treated him. Believe me, I'm not saying any of this is your fault. But I just wanted you to know, in case you… changed your mind or something."

Raidou gave Iruka a long look, not sure what to think. Considering what Kakashi had said to him as he left on his mission, he had thought Kakashi meant he was in danger of losing Iruka to Genma, and he had no doubts about how Iruka was likely to have "consoled" Genma. "So, what, you stumbled out of his bed to come say that to me?" he asked bitterly.

Iruka was so startled by the tone that he lost the flow of the game, and looked down to find it again. Realizing what that meant, he sighed, set his cards down, and stood as if to leave. But the larger man was fast, and clamped his hands around Iruka's arm, pulling him back down roughly. "Answer the question, Iruka," he growled, his face red except for the shiny impassive skin of his scars.

"Yes," whispered Iruka, turning his face away, finally feeling that shame he had so wished for earlier. The punch that came wasn't unexpected, but he didn't dodge, merely sat there and took it. It hurt like hell, but his jaw didn't break, and he was smart enough to know that it would have if Raidou had put everything he had into it.

"Thank you," said Raidou, as if he hadn't just slugged the man in front of him. "You're a horrible friend, but you're my friend, and don't forget it. Now get the hell out of here before I do lose my temper."

Iruka went, scurrying off into the early morning light, resisting the urge to cup his hand over his injured face. Unfortunately, he managed to run right into someone at the end of the street, and fell. The sturdy hands that caught him were all too familiar, and he found he couldn't look their owner in the face.

"Iruka-sensei, didn't I tell you to be more careful?" came the cheerful voice, and then one of those hands reached up to touch the bruise already forming on his jaw. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Raidou punched me," Iruka admitted, focusing his eyes on the orange collar, knowing Naruto was angry with him even if he acted cheerful.

"Oh, well, you deserved it I bet," the young man said, though inwardly he winced a little to see his Iruka-sensei hurt. "I stopped by your place late last night, and you weren't there."

"No, I wasn't," Iruka replied simply, not bothering to try to make excuses for himself. He finally gathered his courage and looked up into those brilliant blue eyes, dreading the disappointment he knew he'd see there. He flinched, and then suddenly did feel like he should explain himself. "Naruto, Genma and I broke up because we couldn't maintain stability together, we drove each other crazy, and I'm starting to think that might not be the case anymore. I know that doesn't excuse anything, but…"

Naruto was torn. The man in front of him with the bruises on his face and tears in his eyes was his favorite person in the entire world, but he was breaking Kakashi's heart, and Kakashi had been his teacher as well. Iruka was just plain wrong in this case, and Naruto knew it, and didn't know how to deal with it. But… and suddenly it hit him, as he remembered how he himself had thrown away everything for someone he cared about, had been willing to defy any authority to get Sasuke back, and Sasuke hadn't even been his lover. "Iruka-sensei, are you saying you're going to leave Kakashi?" he asked in a low voice.

Iruka shook his head then, slowly, as if he had to think about it first. "I don't think so now, but… I still can't promise I won't, if he asks me to. I don't think he'll ask now." He didn't want to explain that he was honestly hoping to get Genma and Raidou back together, because it was too complicated to understand himself, let alone explain to someone else.

Naruto's fists were clenched, but he merely nodded sharply. "If you do, don't expect me to be happy about it. But if it makes you happy… then I won't blame you. I care about Kakashi, and I don't want to see him hurt, but if you aren't happy with him, you shouldn't stay."

Iruka looked at his ex-student carefully, surprised by this reaction. Then he smiled, and nodded, and said, "Thank you, Naruto-kun. I'll do my best, whatever happens." He felt his heart get lighter then, as if there might be some hope for him after all, as if perhaps he might become someone the young man could be proud to look up to again somehow, after all.


	11. Cleaning

Chapter Ten: Cleaning

"Gen-chan, please come with me," said Iruka softly, putting a hand on the other man's arm. He'd come back to Genma's house to find him in just the same position he'd left him, and was glad he'd decided to come straight back rather than stop by his and Kakashi's place first. "Please," he added, his tone a little desperate.

Genma nodded, unwound the scarf from his neck and replaced it on its hook, and then let himself be led off to the bathroom. "You're going to shower, and get dressed, okay?" said Iruka, leaving the man for a moment to find him some clothes. He wasn't sure if he should bother having him put on his uniform… somehow he doubted much work would be done by Genma today. All the same, maybe being in uniform would give him strength in the same way it did Iruka sometimes…

A little later, Genma sat at the kitchen table in full uniform, watching Iruka's every move as he made breakfast. The Chuunin could feel the eyes on him, and he suppressed a shiver, determined to act natural. When he served breakfast, it got a little better, Genma splitting his attention between the food and the man across the table from him. "Don't you have class?" he asked finally.

Iruka shook his head. "Not today, though I do have work later."

The other man nodded his head, and then ate quietly for another moment. "So, what'd he say?"

Iruka nearly choked on his eggs. He considered playing dumb, but he knew if anyone could see through that act, it was Genma, considering he was somewhat a master of it himself. "Not a lot, to be honest," he admitted. "Didn't say what he was going to do either way, but I was hoping he had a new perspective." He paused. "How'd you know?"

Genma laughed, and reached out a shaky hand to brush Iruka's jaw line. "Who else would have hit you today?" His hand drifted back down to settle on the table next to his plate. "Why did you go?"

"Trying to salvage something. My friendship with him, if nothing else," came the reply. "But I wanted to let him know where he went wrong, because he's done the same for me before, or tried to at least, and I owed him that much."

Genma's back was suddenly very stiff, and his lip trembled. "Were you lying to me last night, when you said you felt there might be something more between us still?" The man across from him set his lips in a thin line, and said nothing, and Genma realized it wasn't a question that Iruka would even acknowledge, because it was unworthy of him. Some people might lie about things like that, but not Umino Iruka, ever. "I'm sorry," Genma said shakily. "I just don't know what to think." He pushed his plate away.

Iruka shrugged, picking up the plates and moving them to the sink. He looked at them as if they might clean themselves before his eyes, then sighed and turned away, deciding the owner of the house could damn well clean them up since his guest had cooked. He leaned against the counter and turned to face the still-seated shinobi. "Gen-chan, last night I meant everything I said, and I still feel that way, that possibility there looming just in the corner of my vision. But can you imagine what you'd be doing to Raidou?" He didn't mention Kakashi, couldn't mention him, because that was his own battle to fight, not Genma's.

The cloth-covered head flopped down to thunk on the table, and Iruka winced, suddenly wishing Genma would wear his hitae-ate plate-forward. The words that came sounded muffled, spoken towards the ground rather than up at him. "He left me." There was a quiver in that voice, and it made Iruka's heart quiver with it. He wanted to argue, to say that Raidou hadn't meant to leave for good, still wanted to work things out, but honestly he still wasn't sure of it. So instead he merely walked over to Genma and put his hands on his shoulders.

Then suddenly there was a gap between them, a gulf that he hadn't glimpsed since three years ago when he had withdrawn from everything. "You didn't give him much choice," he whispered softly, ignoring the urge to yell to try to cross the emotional distance he was feeling. "Genma, he didn't do it quite right, but he was trying to fix things."

Genma lifted his head and bolted from his seat suddenly, turning to stand facing Iruka. "Don't give me that coldness, damn you!" he snarled.

And Iruka was calm as he reached out a hand and firmly grasped Genma's shoulder again, pulling him forward into a hug. "I was just trying to be rational about things. Forgive me."

Genma sighed, relaxing into his friend's embrace. "Yes, of course, I forgive you. I wish I could do that right now… be rational, think things over, figure out a way to fix things somehow. I can't, so instead I'm going to go to work, where things make some kind of sense and I can take a step back." He pulled away from Iruka slowly, a little reluctantly. "I want to go by myself, but come by and see me in a couple hours, if you like."

Iruka could do nothing but nod, because this was Genma, and Genma hadn't given up on him when a lot of people had. He wouldn't give up on Genma either, he decided, and smiled at his friend as he left. Looking around, he couldn't decide what it was he wanted to do with the rest of his morning, and his afternoon, until he ambled down the hallway and stood by the door to a room he'd once called his own. He went in, leaving the light off, and sat down among things he'd owned as a young man. He'd been claiming he was going to get these things and sort them for years, but he'd never done it, and Genma had never pushed him to do it. Suddenly he knew exactly what he wanted to do, and smiled broadly, standing up and reaching for the light.

It was too much work for one man to do in a morning, really, but Iruka-sensei of the Hidden Village of Leaf was nothing if not a hard worker. He teleported until he was low on chakra, and then found himself lugging boxes around on foot. A few people he met on the streets gave him odd looks, but for the most part he wasn't that noticeable, especially not in civilian clothing. Brown on brown on brown doesn't exactly make for spectacular fireworks that draw the eye, and today Iruka was grateful for that.

He was done a little later than he'd hoped, and he hoped Genma hadn't been too attached to that "See me in a couple hours" bit, because it was almost noon already. Iruka took a shower in his own apartment, dressed in his uniform, and then took off towards the mission room. It was really the last place he wanted to be considering he was going to have to work there in just a few hours anyway, but Genma had asked, so he went.

Yori sat behind the desk alone, but she didn't seem to particularly mind, since there wasn't a line. Apparently it was a slow day. Anko glared at him from a corner where she was talking with Kurenai, and Iruka shuddered. For all that the kunoichi was his friend, she was scary, and he didn't like the idea of her mad at him. He smiled and waved at her as if he didn't notice her glare, and then turned to scan the room… but it was empty. Izumo slouched out of the file room just then, and waved Iruka over. "Hey, Ruka-kun, Tetsu and I think we don't see enough of you anymore, so why don't you hang out with us sometime soon, okay?"

Iruka smiled at the casual tone his old friend used, knowing there was real concern behind it. "Soon," he replied. "I promise, as soon as I can."

The other man nodded, reaching up with a hand to brush at his hair. "I take it you're looking for Genma?" he asked, his voice low and almost dangerous-sounding. Iruka merely nodded. "Raidou came in and spoke to him, and then he sort of bolted. Tetsu followed him to make sure everything was okay, so you should just sit tight here and wait until he gets back to tell us."

Iruka's mind reeled. What could Raidou have said to make Genma bolt like that? Did he say that things were over between them, or make some kind of ultimatum? Maybe he was angry, and he hurt Genma… Iruka shook his head, trying to derail his train of thought,. "Thanks, Izumo, I appreciate it," he said quietly.

Izumo smiled lazily and shrugged. "You care about him, and we care about you, so we do what we can. And I think Tetsu's actually taking a liking to the guy over the past few years, though he wouldn't exactly admit it."

Iruka looked into the eyes (well, eye, considering the hair) of his old teammate, and then laughed. Again some part of him said he was receiving something he didn't deserve, kindness from an old friend he'd grown away from, but he pushed the thought away resolutely. Weighing whether you deserved every single kindness you received would lead only to not being able to accept kindness from anyone. Instead, he let Izumo lead him into the back room, waving to Yori as he went, noting that she looked as if she were doodling idly. He laughed at that, because it was so different from the no-nonsense persona he'd seen from her when she first started working with him.

"Aren't you and Kotetsu supposed to be working?" he asked Izumo, who had propped himself up against a wall and settled in.

Izumo smiled the old mischievous smile, and said, "What exactly should we be doing, considering there are so few missions today? Besides, Yori-chan said she'd cover for us, if you believe that!"

Iruka laughed heartily. "You know, I think I might be able to. So, we're just waiting now?"

Izumo nodded. "Waiting, yes. Spending time together also, though, so relax and let me tell you a story…" And he instantly had Iruka enraptured, his voice weaving a spell around him that couldn't be denied. Later, Iruka would pick apart the story and discovered they were all events he already knew, just told in a very symbolic manner, but for the moment, it was enough to listen.

Kotetsu came stumbling into the back room quite a bit later, and collapsed into Izumo's lap. "So, he went back home finally, after leading me through quite the chase through the woods. I'm still not sure what the hell happened, but his chakra had calmed by the time he got home, so I figured it was safe enough coming to get you. You'd better hurry, though, and find out what's going on…" he panted.

Izumo nodded, reaching down to run his hands over the spikes of Kotetsu's hair thoughtfully. "Yeah, you go on, I'll cover your shift. Not like I've been working today anyway, and Tsunade's been off drinking all day with Shizune still gone, so I don't think we run the risk of any trouble."

Iruka nodded, standing and then looking down at his friends. "Hey, if Kakashi comes in from his mission, make sure to let me know, okay?" The two nodded in unison, both smiling at him, and he left, thinking wryly _weird, loyal, amazing little monkeys_.

He was too exhausted to run as he'd like to, but he walked quickly through the streets, and let himself into Genma's house without hesitation. He followed a path of rejected clothing to the bathroom, and then a trail of water to the Genma's favorite room, where the other man was lying on a pile of cushions, his hair darkened by dampness, clothed in a pair of gray shorts and a plain t-shirt. "Hey," he greeted Iruka softly, twitching his senbon.

Iruka waved back, and then took a seat on the cushions near his friend. "Hey."

"You cleaned out your room," continued Genma, his eyes heavy-lidded, his tone even.

Iruka nodded, his ponytail bobbing. "Yeah, I've been meaning to do that forever, and it seemed something constructive to do."

Genma nodded. "How about you help me with the rest of the house?" His face still gave away nothing, but he reached out a hand to pull on Iruka, and Iruka let himself be positioned so that he was lying next to Genma.

"Of course I will, if you want that," Iruka replied, trying not to think about where this was going. Instead he merely rested his head on the other man's shoulder, and waited for any explanation he might give.

Finally, Genma sighed. "He came there just to see me. He isn't coming back to me right now, but he said… he wants to talk about things, set things straight. Not yet, but soon."

Iruka's heart ached for Genma, at the hope and fear mingled in his voice. "That's good, isn't it?" he asked gently.

Genma shook his head, so close Iruka could feel the motion. "I half wanted him to tell me that it was over, not to bother hoping, so I could stop feeling guilty. Iruka, remember when we were young, and it seemed like our life together would last forever, and we just spun from one joy to the next?"

Iruka smiled and turned to press his lips to his friend's temple. "Yeah, I remember. It would be nice if that could come back, but if we were together now… it wouldn't be like that, would it?" He reached out and interlaced his fingers with Genma's, holding on tight.

It wasn't a question that needed an answer, and so Genma gave none, merely lay there next to Iruka, their hands clasped tightly.


	12. Misunderstandings

Note: So, I promise we're almost at the end. Though I might add in a couple of chapters for smut, just because I can't resist. :P

Chapter Eleven: Misunderstandings

When Genma rolled and kissed him, Iruka was taken by surprise, but he didn't pull away or try to stop him. He let it go when Genma pressed his body against his own, merely enjoyed the familiar scent of the man, the warmth, the gentle touch… and then his brain kicked in, and he pushed the man away. "Gen-chan, I thought you were saying…" he started.

Genma raised an eyebrow. "I didn't say what you thought I said, apparently. I'm not cleaning out the house for Raidou, I'm doing it for me. I want to stop living in the past and move into the present, if that's okay."

Iruka nodded, smiling a bit, and then realized what Genma hadn't said and frowned. "Oh. So, Raidou, I mean, I thought you and he were going to work things out."

"Talk. Set things straight. Work things out, to some extent, but not necessarily be together again. He made it quite clear he doesn't consider us together now, considering…" he wasn't sure how to say that part, so he just gestured at Iruka. "I thought you understood that, I'm sorry."

Iruka growled, frustrated. "You realize that I just talked myself into the idea that it were better that you and I weren't together, because I thought you were telling me it wasn't going to happen."

"It's not," said Genma suddenly, his eyes shining suspiciously. He was still lying very close to Iruka, still had an arm over him, and Iruka was confused by the mixed signals for a moment. Seeing his confusion, Genma smiled at him. "Maybe it is. Wait until Kakashi comes home, and then see if you can honestly tell him that you're through, and he's not what you want, ok?"

Iruka's heart froze at the thought. He'd been trying to avoid thinking that way, even when he and Genma had talked about the possibility of being together, the idea of actually telling Kakashi that had hurt too much to even think about. "You think I can't do it," he said aloud.

"Just last night you said I knew what you wanted better than you do. Or did you mean only in bed?" asked Genma, smirking. He dodged the punch instinctively, and rolled away, sitting up to look down at Iruka, who still lounged back on the cushions. "Come on, Ruka, I know you're not lying to me on purpose, but you should really at least stop lying to yourself."

Iruka sat up suddenly, shocked. All along Genma had just been following his lead, letting him do what he wanted, acting like everything was going to be decided by Iruka somehow. And now Genma was telling him that he already knew Iruka wasn't going to leave Kakashi. He saw sadness in the heavy-lidded hazel eyes before him, but also a sort of wry humor, and a strength he'd almost forgotten his friend had. He felt a little guilty suddenly for underestimating Genma just because he was going through a rough time.

"So, if you're saying I'm going to go back to Kakashi, what was that all about?" he asked suddenly, remembering that this conversation had started with Genma kissing him.

The other man shrugged. "I just thought it'd be nice, while it was still okay… you know? Kakashi might have said you could do whatever you want right now, but it's not like things are going to stay that way. And I'll have to admit that when it comes to you I'll take what I can get," he said, his voice softening at the end.

Iruka shook his head. "That's a little pathetic, Gen-chan, and I'm not sure having sex is the best way of dealing with things," he said in his best teacher voice.

Genma laughed. "No, it's not. Worth at try, though. I really would love to make love to you again, but I'll live. What I do need, though, is for you to tell me what you do intend to do, as soon as possible, before I break my own heart hoping any more."

Iruka ran his hand across the scar on his face, and then sat up straight with a determined look on his face. "I can be near you no matter how upset you are, and I feel okay. I don't feel any differently about you than I ever did, the love I have for you hasn't changed in all these years. I still enjoy being close to you, want to be able to have that, in one way or another." He paused. "Of course, that's part of what's been wrong all along, though, isn't it? We broke up, but we never really changed our relationship. Sure, we might have stopped having sex, but the friendship we have hasn't really been any different from our relationship when we were together, even when we were with other people." His mind swam with Kakashi, drenched in the memory of his infinite kindness and patience when it came to Iruka, the complete way he had offered himself.

Genma nodded. "Yeah, it's kind of messed up, isn't it?" but Iruka wasn't even listening.

"You're right, I'm not going to be with you," Iruka said softly then, realizing. "I'm sorry, Gen, but I'm not."

The hazel eyes that met his held tears, but the smile beneath them was genuine. "Still going to help me clean my house?" he asked with obvious effort.

Iruka nodded, feeling as if he'd ripped his own heart out. "Yes, of course I will. And I know what I said about our friendship being wrong in some way, but I still want it…"

The tears spilled over. Genma shook his head, then leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on Iruka's lips, and Iruka could taste the salt there. "Not the way it was, Ruka. I'm never letting you out of my life, but the halfway bit… we don't need that." Despite his words, he leaned his head on Iruka's shoulder, staying close to him, and Iruka merely held him for a while.

Kakashi came home to boxes, everywhere. His eye opened wide, and he felt as if his heart would thud out of his chest. He couldn't face it, closed the door to the apartment and walked right back out again, deciding he'd turn in his report first after all. Maybe it would be easier if he saw Iruka at work and heard the news there, because seeing this mess was just too much for him.

He looked down at himself critically, eyeing the blood on his uniform, the mess that he was in general. He'd planned to go home and clean up before turning in the report, but now he figured the dirt on him was nothing if not appropriate. He might as well hit bottom if he was going to fall, after all. For a moment he was struck with an image of himself standing in the middle of the mission room in his dirty uniform, mask-less and crying, with a hole in his chest, but he laughed it away. Of course he'd be wearing his mask, and as long as he was, he wouldn't cry… at least not with his own eye.

He entered the mission room with trepidation, hoping it wouldn't be busy, because he really didn't feel like dealing with people. Not when his Iruka was leaving him, not when he'd make the biggest mistake of his life by running away when he should have been trying to salvage things. Then again, he'd known when he went that it was possible Iruka would leave him, that it was possible that he was giving Iruka just the chance he needed to decide that he really wanted to be with Genma. He'd counted on it in fact, getting the whole thing out of the way one way or another, since the opportunity presented itself, instead of all the wondering when or if Iruka would just give up pretending he was over the other man.

All that was left now was the pain, and he could handle pain. So he checked his mask one last time, stepped through the door, and looked around. Then he sighed, whether in relief or disappointment, he wasn't sure. Izumo looked up at him with a look that seemed sad, and Kakashi wondered just how many people knew already, just how obvious it was that his relationship was over. Then Izumo yelled, "Hey, Tetsu, deliver that message for me!" and his partner whipped around, eyes wide, and disappeared.

"Oh, that's subtle," Kakashi heard himself saying drolly as he handed over his report. "Let me guess, he's going to go drag my boyfriend out of someone else's bed since I'm home now."

Izumo blushed, looking at the report rather than Kakashi. "I don't' know where Iruka is, but yeah, he's going to get him. He said to make sure we let him know as soon as you got here…"

Kakashi sighed, feeling exhausted. "Fine, tell him to meet me where it all started, okay?"

Izumo raised an eyebrow, but shrugged. "Sure, whatever works." Then Kakashi was gone, in a puff of smoke, and Izumo was left wondering just what was going on after all.

The banging on the door refused to go away, and after a bit, Genma hauled himself up off the floor and went to answer it. He was surprised to see Kotetsu there. "Is Iruka here?" Kotetsu asked, not even bothering with niceties.

Genma nodded. "Yeah, come in." He led the way back to the back of the house, where Iruka was still lying propped up on cushions, a book in his hand. The dark-haired man looked up as his friends entered.

"Kakashi's home," Kotetsu said, without preamble. Iruka nodded, stood, and straightened his uniform. He turned to look at Genma as if to say something, but Genma just shook his head and waved, and Iruka thanked Kotetsu and teleported.

Genma let out a long shuddering sigh, and Kotetsu looked at him with concern, and then grabbed his arm. "Come on, the desk is closing soon, and Zumo and I will take you out somewhere after that, keep you company, okay?"

Genma nodded numbly, and followed, grateful suddenly to find an unexpected friend when he most needed one.


	13. Understanding

Chapter Twelve: Understanding

"Where it all started," the Chuunin muttered under his breath, racing through the forest. "Melodramatic bastard," he added, but he was smiling. He couldn't wait to see Kakashi, whatever the circumstances, and he was running flat-out for the training grounds where he expected to find him. He'd stopped by the Memorial Stone on the way, just in case, since that first night they really connected Kakashi had chased him from there, but as expected, that wasn't the location Kakashi was referring to.

He felt the chakra barrier now, which meant he was very close. He gathered up all his courage for what he feared might be a confrontation, because while Kakashi had claimed everything was okay between them, the situation was definitely not normal. And what if Kakashi had changed his mind while he was away? Sighing, Iruka drew a deep breath and stepped into the clearing, looking up to find his lover sitting by the gate, just as he himself had sat over three years ago.

"Kakashi," he said, the word coming out with a wretched tone, and then tried again. "Kakashi, I missed you."

The other man looked up, and Iruka couldn't read anything on the small amount of his face showing. He was worried by the blood and dirt on the uniform, but the distance in Kakashi's eye kept him from running to his side and checking him for injuries. "I somehow doubt you missed me quite as much as I missed you," Kakashi said coolly, motioning for Iruka to take a seat next to him.

Iruka did so, leaning back against the gate as well. He had no reply for Kakashi's comment, and so sat silently, waiting for whatever would come next. His lover's demeanor scared him a little, but sometimes right after a mission Kakashi could be a little cool, so he hoped that was at least part of the problem. He wondered what he was supposed to tell Kakashi about the whole situation.

Kakashi sighed. "So, are you moving out or am I?" he asked bluntly, cutting to the chase. Might as well get this over with, he figured. He really wanted to ask about the big bruise on the other man's face, but didn't feel it would make things any easier for him.

Iruka turned to look at the silver-haired man, his eyes trying to catch some sign of what Kakashi was thinking or feeling. He wanted to speak, but couldn't seem to get any words past the choking feeling, and then the tears came, and for the second time that day Iruka tasted salt on his lips. Kakashi looked at him dully, and then said, "Oh don't cry, Iruka, please. It's bad enough you're leaving me, it's not fair of you to break down while doing it."

And then Iruka put the puzzle together, remembering that he'd brought some of his old things home from Genma's that morning, and left the boxes scattered everywhere in his hurry to get the job done. "Those boxes… those were things I cleared out of my old room at Genma's house, my stuff from when I was younger. I wasn't packing one of us up to move, Kakashi," he choked out.

Kakashi's eye widened a bit, and suddenly he felt like a particularly slow child. "Oh," he said simply. Then he paused. "If you cleaned out your room there, does that mean Genma and Raidou made up or something?"

Iruka shook his head sadly. "Not yet anyway. I honestly don't know what's going to happen there. The last I heard was that Raidou told Genma he wanted to talk and sort things out, but that he didn't consider them together anymore. I spoke to Raidou…" he reached up and touched his jaw gingerly at this point and then added, "It went better than I expected, actually."

"Oh," said Kakashi again. He leaned his head on Iruka's shoulder, and a shudder went through him. Iruka had come back to him, and Genma and Raidou hadn't made up. He was surprised, actually, having thought at one point that the only way he really had a chance were if Genma were to become unavailable again. "I ran all the way here. Did the mission in half the time it should have taken. I was in such a hurry to get the mission over with, and get home, because after I left… even though I had a reason for going, I started to wonder if it had really been the right thing to do."

Iruka moved as if to shrug, and then aborted the motion, not wanting to disturb the head on his shoulder. "Kakashi, don't ask me about whether anything is right or wrong at the moment. I don't know anything."

Kakashi didn't know what to say to that. He didn't think he wanted to know what Iruka had done that he didn't feel right about, whether it had been whatever had passed between him and Genma, or choosing to stay with Kakashi. "What happens now, Iruka?" he asked softly, suddenly unsure.

The dark-haired Chuunin put an arm around the Copy-Nin and pulled him close. "I don't feel like I get to make those kinds of decisions right now, Kakashi. I feel like I should be trying to make my own stupidity up to you somehow, as if I've fucked things up royally and have to somehow fix it. You said we were okay, but… I'm not very proud of myself right now."

Kakashi froze suddenly, and pulled away. There was something about the tone in Iruka's voice that didn't sound right to him. He'd told Iruka he could do whatever he wanted, so if all he did was something sexual, he wouldn't have second-guessed Kakashi's decision there. So what was he so broken up over? "What is it you are ashamed of?" he asked, staring down his lover with his one visible eye, glad again of his mask as a barrier between them.

Iruka turned his head away, and then turned his whole body, so he was sitting where he could bolt through the gate at any moment. It reminded him of the first time they'd been in this place together, when Kakashi had sat with him all night, and he hadn't gone into his sanctuary after all. "I was prepared to leave you, or thought I was," Iruka admitted. "It took Gen-chan telling me what I wanted for me to stop thinking I could leave you. Can you imagine how that makes me feel?"

Kakashi's voice was incredulous. "How it makes _you_ feel?"

A wince crossed over the scarred face, and Iruka turned back to Kakashi, pulling his knees in and resting his head on him, pulling into himself. "Of course, I'm sorry. I wasn't going to tell you, but you asked, and you know I can't lie to you."

Kakashi shook his head, and his eye was suddenly cold again. "Iruka, I told you that everything was going to be okay with us, and you could work things out with Genma any way you liked, for several reasons. First, there's the simple fact that I care about Genma too, and I wanted you to be able to help him when he was hurting. Second, I wanted to give you a chance to work out the feelings you still have there, because they have popped up occasionally over the years, and it has been hard to deal with. Third… I thought, if you really did want to be with him, it would be better for it to happen, to get it over with, and this seemed like the right opportunity. I did, however, mean what I said as well: I am not going to be angry with you whether you did or didn't sleep with him, and all I expected was for you to come home to me. But hearing that he had to tell you to do that… that does hurt." And then Kakashi felt the tears rolling down his own face as well, despite his hopes of hiding his own feelings behind the mask. "Iruka, is this really what you want?" he asked quietly, trying to recapture his calm.

Iruka nodded silently, not trusting his voice. He wanted to beg Kakashi to believe him, wanting to throw himself at the other man, but he didn't dare. So instead he nodded, and waited to see what the response would be.

Kakashi hooked his fingers under his mask, and suddenly Iruka was faced with a very small, very tentative smile. Then Kakashi leaned forward and pressed his lips against Iruka's, leaning awkwardly in to do so over Iruka's knees. "I can't say that we don't have a lot to talk about, and that some things might not wind up changing between us a little, but I still mean that promise I made to you years ago. I will keep coming home to you as long as you let me."

Then suddenly they were laughing, desperate hysterical laughter, as if all the tension of the past few days had to break through. It hurt Iruka's head to think that his whole world had been taken apart and put back together again so many times in the past few days, and he knew it would continue happening for a while yet, as certain pieces settled into new places. This most important piece though, Kakashi wasn't going anywhere, and he felt as if he could laugh and cry forever with the joy of it.

Except he couldn't, had to spoil the moment, had to ask. "I promised Genma I'd help him clean out the rest of his house… is that still okay?" He felt a little stupid for asking, but was thinking with the part of himself that knew how people worked, and he knew it would only be natural for Kakashi to need him to take a step back from Genma for a while. And he'd be ready to do it now, he thought, except for the one thing he'd promised.

Kakashi laughed harder for a second, then drew a deep shuddering breath. "Silly Ruka. Of course we're going to have to talk about Genma eventually, and I do want… something to change, because I swear if I have to see him hanging all over you right now I'll snap, but he's still our friend. If he'll let me, I'll help him too, but that might be a little too personal, and if it is, I'll leave it up to you." He paused, then pulled away and stood, holding out a hand to Iruka. "Come on, let's go home."

Kotetsu seemed carefree, buying drinks for friends that stopped by their table, cracking jokes, telling silly stories. His companion leaned back in his chair, chewing contently on a senbon, and just let himself be swept up in the tide. Later he would be impressed, thinking that this hadn't been the sort of forced cheerfulness one typically uses to try to cheer up friends, but instead a real ability to just have fun at any moment… but for right now he was simply enjoying. Izumo and Yori joined them after about an hour, after they had wrapped up the last of their work.

The little party seemed so merry, and when Raidou walked into the bar he froze for a second, seeing his… _ex, you can say it… _out having so much fun already after they had just broken up. Then his eyes scanned the little group again, and he realized whose face he wasn't seeing, and smiled a little. "I can do this," he told himself aloud, causing Anko beside him to smile encouragingly and grip his shoulder. "Thanks, Anko-chan. Just come say hi with me. Okay?" The kunoichi nodded, and they walked together toward the group.

Izumo, who was sitting on one side of Genma while Kotetsu sat on the other, reached out and grabbed Genma's arm, cocking his head. Genma looked up, pasted a smile on his face, and said, "Good evening, Raidou-san, Anko-san," in an awkward formal manner.

A look of confusion passed over Yori's pretty face, and she looked at Izumo, who mouthed "Tell you later," and then she spilled her drink, prompting laughter from the whole group. Some of the stiffness left Genma, and he found himself throwing one of his usual jibes in her direction, "Yori-chan, I know you're not much of a partier, but that's only your second drink!"

More laughter, and the blonde woman slouched in her chair and said, "Had a few drinks on the job, didn't you know? I'm aspiring to be like our lovely Hokage…"

Yet more laughter, but Raidou and Genma were looking at each other now across the chaos, and Genma pulled out his senbon and smiled shyly, and Raidou smiled back. When it was quiet enough to be heard, Raidou said, "We're on our way elsewhere actually, but I'll see you guys around." He paused, then smirked at Genma. "Hey, Gen, tell your boyfriend I'm sorry about his face."

Genma choked on his drink, then sputtered, "N-Not my boyfriend, and you're not sorry."

Raidou laughed, his question having been answered, waved, and linked his arm through Anko's, strolling out of the bar. Left behind, Genma gaped for a moment, and then Izumo was pressing a fresh drink into his hand, and he was downing it. "You're awfully nice for a weird little monkey," Genma said without thinking, and Izumo and Kotetsu exchanged glances around him, and suddenly all three collapsed into giggles and monkey noises, leaving Yori to eye them warily and consider escaping.

Note: Not to worry, I'll pick up with Kakashi and Iruka going home next chapter. After all, I have orders… :P


	14. Reacquainting Oneself

Chapter Thirteen: Reacquainting Oneself

_A ninja doesn't trip over boxes. Especially ones he put there himself, _thought Iruka as he felt Kakashi catch him. They both laughed again, though, so it was worth the blow to his pride.

"I moved that one in my haste to get out of here," Kakashi admitted finally, pulling his mask off and smiling. He opened the box curiously, and peeked in, not horribly surprised to find it held a stack of books. Peeking out from underneath a boring textbook, however, he found another one of those silk-covered albums. He touched it and raised an eyebrow at Iruka, who blushed. "How come you've never taken any of those photos with me?" Kakashi asked with a pout.

Iruka's face went from being pink-tinged to a brighter red than his lover had ever seen it. He looked as if he wasn't going to even be able to answer at first, and finally he muttered, "Because I grew out of the porn hobby, unlike some people."

Kakashi reached out for the album, and Iruka caught his hand before it could get there. "If you really want to look that badly, do it sometime when I'm not around. If I left it there, it probably wasn't one I really wanted around to look at."

His lover grinned. "I'm just trying to make you squirm, Ruka. I have no interest in seeing photos of someone else screwing you… or vice versa…" Even as he said the words, Kakashi felt a bit of a thrill going down his spine, though, and he carefully filed away the location of the box for further investigation. _Pervert_, he said to himself merrily.

Iruka blushed an even deeper red, and felt like he might pass out. "We could… take some pictures sometime, if you want," he said quietly, looking away.

His lover grinned and nodded, then moved suddenly, pinning him against the wall. "What is it you think I'd like pictures of, Iruka-sensei? Right now I'm still a little stressed out, maybe I'd like to have pictures of you tied up, and maybe I'd choke you a little, and take you dry. Do you think?"

Iruka's eyes snapped up to Kakashi's face, used to the dirty talk but not the meanness of it. "Kakashi…" he said softly, but Kakashi was smiling gaily, and his expression was mischievous, not mean at all. "You sick, sick puppy," Iruka said, sticking out his tongue.

Kakashi leaned in quickly and captured the tongue in his teeth, biting it gently before kissing the other man. Pulling back but still keeping his lover pinned, he started the teasing again. "Come now, Iruka, don't think I don't know how kinky you are. Your old friends sometimes talk when they're drunk…"

Iruka froze at that, realizing that Kakashi likely had heard some stories over the years, considering he knew everyone Iruka had slept with. Granted, Iruka had heard Kakashi stories too… but no one ever seemed to have more than one, and most of them seemed to involve too much alcohol to be very vivid memories. He found himself worrying for a moment, and then laughed, because whatever it was, it wasn't keeping them apart. "You want to see me kinky, Kakashi? You said you're stressed out, so come on, let's see what you can do…"

The taller man laughed, and ground his hips against Iruka's, revealing that he had an impressive erection. But his voice was tender as he said, "Tempting, but I nearly lost you, Iruka, I just want to be with you." His lips slid down Iruka's neck in a pattern of soft kisses, and Iruka found himself tangling both hands in his lover's hair. "Thank you for coming back to me," Kakashi said softly, and Iruka wasn't sure if it was the tingle of Kakashi's breath on his neck or the words that made him shiver.

"Thank you for waiting," he whispered back, leaning forward to rest his head on top of Kakashi's. He was still being pinned against the wall, but it felt almost as if Kakashi had forgotten he was doing so, and the thrill of danger he'd felt was subsiding. He missed it a little, had almost hoped to be "punished" in some way, but he set it aside, putting his lover first in a way he felt he hadn't done properly in a while.

Then they were moving again, as Kakashi remembered where they were and that it wasn't exactly what he wanted for this moment. He pulled Iruka along with him to the bedroom, grabbing hold of him and falling back, dragging Iruka along with him onto the bed. Their lips met again then, sweet and soft and loving, and Kakashi resisted thoughts of who else had kissed those lips recently, resisted his animalistic urge to reclaim every part of his lover now, as fast as possible, in any way possible.

Iruka saw some part of this in Kakashi's demeanor and pulled back from the kiss to smile at him invitingly. Kakashi reached out for him again immediately, smashing their lips together, while un-tucking Iruka's shirt and running his hands over his smooth torso. Kakashi was intoxicated with that unique taste that was "Iruka", and he thought again as he had every time they kissed that nothing was ever so delicious, that no one he'd ever been with had quite matched this, that no drink or food could ever compare.

Pale hands pushed further up his lover's shirt, one capturing a nipple while the other slid across a scar, both touching lightly, teasingly, skidding across the surface of the skin. The touch was at odds with the feverish kiss being shared between them, and the contrast made the darker-skinned man shiver. The shiver carried, ran between them, caught Kakashi up in it, and he pressed closer to the body beside him, the clothing between them shifting and sliding with the friction.

Iruka pushed back, and for a moment they both seemed to be trying to get closer, closer… and then Kakashi's hands were desperately ripping at Iruka's shirt, and he heard the tear, and didn't care as it pulled away over his head. Then the pale pink lips were everywhere, kissing down his throat, nipping at his collarbone, exploring the wide expanse of muscled shoulder, leaving a trail of sensation down his arm. Iruka knew exactly what this was, knew even as the mouth pressed against the scar on his wrist that he'd told Kakashi before had been made by Genma, knew even as each finger was kissed and licked, and gave himself up willingly to each touch.

He wanted to touch Kakashi back, wanted to even the playing field in some way, but as soon as he tried to move that single eye would fix on him disapprovingly, the other covered by the hitae-ate the other man still wore. So instead he leaned back and let the kisses cover him, let the soft touches and nips carry him away.

_Every inch of this man is mine_, thought Kakashi possessively, rediscovering his territory with his tongue and teeth and lips. _Every inch… and I spend too much time with dogs, don't I? _It had been hard for him to leave Iruka in the arms of another man though, hard for him to tell Iruka that it was okay to be touched by someone else. It had accomplished what he had wanted it to, and he was happy about that, and he'd even do it all over again if he had to… but now this man was his, and he couldn't help giving in to the urge to remind him of it.

Then the thought was gone, and he simply acting, pushing Iruka onto his back and kissing him again. He reached for Iruka's waistband and was surprised to see Iruka's hand reach the zipper of his pants before Kakashi could get there. They both laughed, and Iruka said wryly, "I don't want to have to replace those too," as he stripped himself out of the garment.

Another shared laugh, and this was something Iruka loved about Kakashi, the laughter in bed, even at the most heated moments. They could always laugh together, had even laughed that one time they'd been too in a hurry to realize they were going at it on the same table they'd just been cleaning weapons on, and Kakashi had wound up with a shuriken in him. Always this laughter between them, and he'd never quite had as much of it before, not even with…

The thought evaporated quickly as Kakashi kissed and licked the newly freed skin, teasingly ghosting over Iruka's erection before attacking the insides of his thighs, moving outwards and down to tickle his knees, his calves, his ankles. The cool metal of his headband pressed against Iruka's leg, and he jumped, and reached down to grab it, but again Kakashi fixed him with a glare. Iruka smiled, leaned back, and let his lover have his way.

He hadn't been ashamed of nakedness in a long time, but when Kakashi spread his legs and leaned back to take a long look, suddenly Iruka found himself feeling shy in the face of his still-clothed lover. Kakashi grinned wickedly at him, catching the blush, and spread him further. "Come now, Ruka dearest, we both know there's nothing innocent about you," he said in a low voice. He leaned down to make a swipe with his tongue that ran from the back of Iruka's balls to the tip of his cock.

Iruka shivered, once again hearing the almost dangerous tone in his lover's voice. "Innocent, sweet, kind Iruka-sensei, ask anyone," he muttered, just to get the reaction. His reward was the digging in of blunt fingernails in his thigh, and then another swipe of the tongue. That tongue seemed to spread electricity wherever it went, and Iruka was buzzing from the contact, and he wondered how he could ever get enough of it. He could feel the flush of his tanned skin spreading, and suddenly it wasn't shyness anymore that caused it. "Please, Kashi," he found himself moaning as Kakashi waited, his mouth barely brushing again Iruka.

This must have been what his lover was waiting for, because suddenly Kakashi smirked and then closed his mouth over the tip, sucking gently. Iruka was swooning with the change in sensation, and the sheer gentleness with which Kakashi touched him was amazing to him. If he'd been Kakashi, he didn't think he could be this gentle right now.

Kakashi ran a hand up Iruka's thigh in a tender caress, wrapping the other around his length and stroking slowly, continuing with the light, maddening play of his mouth. Suddenly Iruka's world felt like it might explode, the sight of his lover between his legs, the steady look in Kakashi's visible eye, the complete control this man had over him, the tenderness, it hit him with a force no kink could have, and suddenly he was coming, arching into Kakashi, overflowing into him.

Kakashi swallowed carefully, then maneuvered himself back into a sitting position between Iruka's legs, smiling down at his lover. "Am I that good, that you couldn't hold out any longer? Really, Iruka, that has to be a new record for you!"

Iruka groaned, and encircled Kakashi with his legs, pulling him down on top of him. "I told you I missed you, and you're just too good."

Kakashi settled in, finding a nice spot for his head on Iruka's shoulder, and the shiver Iruka gave reminded him that he was still wearing pieces of cold metal on his anatomy. He smiled, pulled away, and starting shucking clothing, finally settling back into Iruka's arms when he was wearing only boxers. "I think I'm going to sleep here," he said softly, rubbing his head on his lover's shoulder.

"Sleep? But…" Iruka started.

Kakashi nodded, turning his head a little further into Iruka's body, shielding his face from view. "I don't want to do anything else tonight. I needed… that… for my own reasons, but I really don't feel like anything else now. Tomorrow you can return the favor for me, okay?"

Iruka was puzzled, but ran a hand through Kakashi's hair and said softly, "Of course, Kakashi, if that's what you want. You can sleep right here, and I'll be here when you wake up." He lay there awake for a long time, relishing the warm weight on him, and listening as his lover's breathing evened out. Finally, just as he slipped into sleep, he heard himself say, "I love you, Kakashi."


	15. More Cleaning

Chapter 14: More Cleaning

No one seemed to quite know how it turned into a party. The day had been planned for a week, though Iruka hadn't actually seen or spoken to Genma, merely passed messages back and forth with Izumo and Kotetsu, who seemed to have dedicated themselves to taking care of the man they had once feuded with. It was a Saturday, and Yori was taking an extra shift at the desk to cover for everyone, along with Tsunade herself, whom she'd pulled in with, of course, a bet.

Iruka had decided he wanted Kakashi with him, couldn't face the ordeal without his lover, didn't want to risk what he could say or do without his presence. Then Izumo and Kotetsu had invited themselves, and Anko had caught wind of the thing and decided it might just be reason enough to forgive Iruka and Genma… so suddenly there was question of who was bringing food, and drinks, and music… to work by, of course.

The t-shirt of the day said "Hurt Me" and Kakashi raised an eyebrow at the man wearing it. Iruka was standing in the doorway of the bedroom, his hair still down and wet, his face weary and worn. The past couple of weeks had been strange for them both, trying to reestablish the bond between them that had been compromised, not by sex with someone else, but that thought of leaving, that possibility of throwing everything away. Kakashi still hadn't let Iruka touch him, beyond kisses, even though he'd claimed several times he would, and every night he'd covered Iruka's body with his own touches. It was an odd compromise, a strange way of dealing with things, but it worked for Kakashi, and that was all that mattered.

"I might as well admit that it hurts," Iruka said softly in response to the inquisitive expression. "I know this is about Genma, and he says he's doing it for himself, but it's my memories as well as his we're hauling away."

Kakashi laughed lightly, but the head shake he gave was serious, and he took a step forward to tap Iruka's forehead. "No, love, memories are up here. Just because you get rid of the things doesn't mean you're getting rid of the memory." He paused, feeling like he had to say something more. "I don't want you to get rid of those memories, because you wouldn't be you."

Iruka smiled, wanting to reach out and pull his lover into his arms, but not willing to risk being turned away. So he settled for saying, "Thank you, Kakashi."

The other man nodded, and grinned at him, and suddenly there was a flurry of activity as they tried to get things together last-minute and get out the door. It was going to be a very busy day, between not only trying to get things out of Genma's house but also find other places to put them, and somehow get through sifting through his personal belongings without giving in to fits of nostalgia or self-pity.

Iruka felt strange knocking, but did so anyway, and Kakashi shot him a sympathetic glance that made it okay. The door was answered by a spiky-haired Chuunin with a playful smile, and Iruka found himself glad that Kotetsu (and most likely therefore Izumo) had been them there. Iruka's eyes caught on a scarf still hanging from the hook, and his heart clenched for a moment, wondering if Genma would leave it or get rid of that too.

Kakashi and Iruka were ushered inside to a string of playful banter, and they entered to find the living room already a mess, things pulled off shelves, everything turned up-side down. Genma was sitting on the leather couch, looking as if he were trying desperately to be comfortable, and sorting a box of assorted odd-and-ends. Izumo, on the other hand, was happily wrecking an end table that he had deemed too senbon-scarred to be useful, claiming to be breaking it down to make it easier to haul way, but really looking as if he were simply having fun.

Genma looked up and waved, trying to ignore the catch in his throat, the hitch in his breathing. He hadn't spoken to Iruka once since the moment he'd poofed out of his living room, preferring to pass him silently in the mission room but send messages through others that everything was okay, they were still friends, they'd talk later. He'd been half-tempted to un-invite Iruka from this event, but it wouldn't have been quite fair, he decided.

Now that the moment had come, he found himself reading Iruka's t-shirt and laughing, taking in the weary look on Iruka's face, and teasing gently. "You look worse than I do, kiddo."

The younger man laughed in return. "Yeah, you look like you're doing well," he said softly, and felt his silver-haired lover's hand curl encouragingly around his own, a kindness he didn't deserve but was determined to appreciate.

There was a moment of tension, as dark brown eyes met hazel ones, and Genma wanted to say something about the fact that Iruka had helped Raidou pick out an apartment, or the fact that Kakashi had paid Genma a visit where not a single word had been spoken, but a handshake exchanged, a bridge built. He wanted to stay something about how he'd cried that first night, when Kotetsu and Izumo had finally let him come home, how he'd not known which loss he was crying for, how he'd found himself preparing senbon with Iruka's favorite sedative and using them himself. But he said none of it, merely thanked Iruka for coming and turned back to his task.

Anko showed up about an hour later, bringing with her beer, snacks, music, and looking as she wasn't likely to do a heck of a lot of work. Her presence proved invaluable though, because she would say "You don't need it," with just the right amount of harshness any moment there was hesitation, any time it was possible Genma was going to do something to jeopardize himself. Genma found himself smiling at her, wanting to thank her, but she merely reached out and set a fist on his head, lightly.

More and more things were piling up on the lawn, furniture and random household items, and more and more of them were getting dragged away, given away, hauled off to be disposed of. It was afternoon when Iruka found himself taking a break, slipping off alone to sit on the cushions in Genma's favorite space, slowly sipping a beer and trying to keep his head straight. He'd nearly burst into tears when Izumo had claimed his favorite armchair, the one that used to sit in his room. Iruka knew why, knew he couldn't have it, but it had felt like _his_, not Genma's.

"You okay?" came the soft voice, and he looked up to see the man leaning against the wall, honey-colored hair falling free, lips wrapped around thin metal as always.

"You'd think I'd be asking you that," the younger man said slowly, before taking another sip off his drink. He studied the other man's features, the curl of his lip, the pose that seemed a boneless sprawl even though he was standing. Iruka wasn't sure whether to move, whether he was ready to be alone with his friend yet, with his first love, his ultimate temptation. Then Genma laughed, and came to sit beside him, and he was only Genma again, and it was okay.

"How are things going with Kakashi?" Genma asked lightly, resisting the urge to wrap his arms around his gloomy friend.

"Strange," Iruka admitted. "Awkward sometimes, and… I want him to punish me, I guess, and he won't… though he won't let me touch him, but even that seems more because it makes him uncomfortable than as a punishment to me."

Genma nodded, thoughtfully. "That sounds very Kakashi, to react in exactly the opposite way a normal person would." He paused, and gave into temptation, reaching out to just barely brush Iruka's hand with his own. "I'm sorry I caused problems for you."

Iruka shrugged, gently pulling the hesitant hand into his own. "It happened, Gen-chan. That's all. I really think Kakashi and I are going to be okay," he said, although he wasn't looking at Genma as he said it, but rather at the doorway.

Genma followed his eyes to find the pale man standing there, his mask pooled around his neck, a soft smile showing on his face. The senbon shinobi jumped, trying to pull his hand out of Iruka's, but his friend wouldn't let go. "Kakashi…" Genma whispered, not knowing what else to say, not sure exactly how you apologized to a man for such things.

But Kakashi was still smiling, standing there in the doorway, and when he spoke, his voice was kind. "It's okay, Genma. Really. I just came to tell Iruka that I had a box he might want to look at, some things that were his."

Iruka stood, letting Genma's hand drop gently, and turned to smile at the man. "I told you it was going to be okay, didn't I?" Then he walked away, carefully not touching his lover as he walked by him, and moved out of the room. Kakashi nodded to Genma, smiled at him again, and followed.

The hazel-eyed man sighed, his lean form slumped a bit, but his face held a smile, happy to see people he cared about working it out, in their own strange way.


	16. End

Simply End... End

Kakashi watched his lover move silently around the apartment. He didn't bother trying to talk to him, becuase Iruka hadn't said much in the past few days, and he seemed happier when Kakashi didn't try. So instead he'd taken to just watching him, and anticipating his needs, bringing him tea or food or helping him with tasks without any conversation about it passing between them.

He'd seemed fine when they let Genma's house after the cleaning party, but things had gone downhill from there. At first he'd tried to deny it, but Kakashi knew him well enough by now that it wasn't going to work. So finally Iruka had leveled serious brown eyes at him and said, "I'm going to be okay, and I want to be with you, and I'm happy with that choice, but this tore me up more than I expected."

Kakashi had been taken aback by the simplicity of the confession, the honesty of it, and since then he'd simply been doing his best to make things easier for Iruka. Now he was starting to think it was time to really do something to help, though, so he stopped Iruka in the hallway, taking in the disheveled look, the hair that he was pretty sure hadn't been washed, in fact... he didn't think he'd seen Iruka shower. Sighing, he reached out a hand and said, "Touch me."

Iruka's eyes grew wide, and he stared at his lover, standing there in the hallway of their apartment, looking just as lazy and clever as ever, smiling at him as if he'd just answered every question, changed everything. The chuunin snorted, batted Kakashi's hand away, and said, "Say it when you mean it, not just to make me feel better. This isn't three years ago, I don't need you to save me, Kakashi." He stomped out of the apartment, and all Kakashi could do was watch him go. Again. Only this time he knew, whatever had been said, between a shadow of a doubt, his Iruka would always come back to him.

The knock on the door roused Genma immediately, but it took a moment for him to actually get up and force himself to go answer it. He couldn't think of anyone he really wanted to see at the moment, having spent the past couple of days pretty much inundated with visitors. Kakashi had come by once, alone, and that had been kind of nice. Aoba had been there, once he could be convinced that neither Kotetsu, Izumo, nor Iruka would be around. And Kotetsu and Izumo had been there several times, which still boggled his mind in a way. "Weird little monkeys", he whispered aloud, thinking of them, and the words seemed to hold more fondness every single time he said them.

Still, his visitor of the moment had caught him having actually gone to bed early for once, and he wasn't sure he was happy with that. So he took his time getting up and going to the door, walking slowly past the scarf that still hung in his entryway, one of very few items of Raidou's that he hadn't packed up and let Anko take home with her to give to his former lover. He had seen him a couple of times now, around the mission room and such, and they also spoke politely without really saying anything.

_I miss you, Raidou. I miss my friend, if nothing else. _"He's here, that's him outside my door," Genma said suddenly, sure of it. He was half-tempted to turn around and not answer it, but instead he simply sighed, and called out, "Yes, Rai, I'm coming." then gave himself a minute to stand behind the door and compose himself before opening it.

The scarred face that met his eyes when he opened it bore a huge smile, and Genma couldn't help but be surprised. "Erm... did you want to come in?" he said shakily, stepping aside to let him in.

"Yes, Gen-chan, I would very much like to come in," replied Raidou lightly. He breezed past Genma in a manner that wasn't at all like his normal walk, an added grace that caught his oldest friend off guard. But Genma said nothing as Raidou took off his shoes and moved through the hallway, then waltzed right into the living room as if he still lived there and flopped on the leather couch.

Genma followed, feeling awkward suddenly in his own home. He moved as if to take a seat in the living room floor, but as he passed the couch, Raidou snaked an arm out and pulled him onto it, settling him in his lap. When he opened his mouth to speak, the bigger man shook his head.

"No, I talk, you listen. New rule... you've done enough talking in the time I've known you for a million lifetimes or so, and I've been cheating myself out of chances to let you know how I feel, and that's what went wrong the first time. I'm not going back, Genma, not coming back to you, do you hear me? Never." A strong arm wrapped around the other man's waist though, and Raidou leaned his head forward against Genma's back, his actions and his words not matching up.

Genma was trying not to cry, confused by the strange mix of actions and words. He wanted to interrupt and ask what the hell Raidou was doing, what was going on, but he was determined to be respectful of Raidou's need just to be listened to, so he merely waited and took deep breaths, wishing he had a senbon, wishing he hadn't answered the door, something.

The calm voice continued. "I'm sure Ruka-kun told you that he helped me find an apartment. I like my new apartment quite a bit actually, and I plan to actually live there. So don't bother bugging me to come live with you, because I won't, not for a long while at least."

_Come live with me, why would I ask him to come live with me? We're not together anymore... _Suddenly it dawned on him what Raidou was saying, and he managed to twist himself around to look into the beloved dark eyes, still not speaking, just looking. He reached out a shaky hand to lay it on the scarred portion of Raidou's face, and rather than jerking away, the big man smiled at him softly and nodded.

"I came here to ask you on a date. A real date, a starting-over date. I think... what I'd like is for you and I to just date casually for a while, in the way we never really did because we started out so seriously, and just see where it goes. Do you think... that would be okay?"

"Of course it would, Rai, I... I'd really like that," Genma said softly. "I know things didn't come out quite right before, but I want you to know that I really am trying my best now, and... no, not just that, I'm not just trying my best, I'm doing it. I'm creating a life for myself that is my own, that doesn't already belong to someone else, or exist for someone else's sake. I have room for all my friends in that life, and in my home, and within my heart, but I'm never going to let myself only exist for someone else's sake again, Raidou. But, you know... that includes you too."

And Raidou was smiling at him brilliantly, and leaning forward to drop a soft chaste kiss on his cheek. "Yes, Genma, I know, and I wouldn't have it any other way."

Two days had passed since the day in the hallway when he'd made his mistake, and Kakashi hadn't seen his lover at all. He wasn't worried, because each time he came home there would be things moved around, and a note that said "Love you" and "Soon" on it. He was pretty happy with the situation, all-in-all, because for one thing he knew exactly where Iruka wasn't, if not where he was.

It was almost midnight when he walked out the apartment door and bumped into the ponytailed man, looking up in surprise. "I was just leaving," he said softly, trying to walk past Iruka, giving him his space.

The tan face broke into a smile, and one arm slid it's way around Kakashi's waist as they walked together out of the apartment building. "I know, I want to come with you, wherever you're going. Sorry for the pouting, I just needed to get it out of my system. I hope you weren't worried."

An answering smile found it's way to Kakashi's face, and he said, "No, not worried at all, actually. If anything bad had happened to you, I would have heard, and... I was just waiting for you, that's all. You're ready to really come home now?"

Iruka stopped right there in the street, standing still, and reached out a tentative hand to touch Kakashi's cheek. "Yeah, I'm ready now. Finally."

So Kakashi looped an arm around his lover, and turned them around, leading them back into the building to stand before their apartment door. He watched mesmerized as Iruka took out his key, put it in the lock, and poured chakra into it to deactivate the traps. Because in the end, it was those simple little things that defined their lives, and as they stepped back into the apartment together, Iruka leaned forward and kissed him, letting him know that he too understood that.

END


End file.
